Which is better for children? to grow up in the countryside or in a big city?

I would be thankful if you can take a look at my essay.

It is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to develop your essay.

Please let me know...
-Is it correct grammer ?
-Is it enough supporting sentences ?
-What else should I do to develop my ideas ?
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Children are the most precious things on Earth. They will form the future and it is parent's duty to provide the best environment for their raising. Therefore, it may be better for the children to be raised in the countryside, because it offers better environmental conditions, especially, with regard to health, security, and human-relations.

While air pollution such as traffic fumes, burning coal for power stations are some of the problem troubling many big cities, the countryside offers good air quality. Furthermore, while living in the countryside natural food without preservatives is often available, providing children with a well-balanced diet for their needs and health. In addition to good air and good food, children living in the countryside have more chances of playing outdoor games, developing good physical health. Another aspect to take in consideration, when choosing whether it's better to grow up your children in a big city or in a rural area, is in terms of security. The first prospect of this is criminality and, in the countryside children are less likely to be faced with it. Above all, in a small community children can feel that everybody is a friend, when they are in a big family they feel protected, and they feel beloved.

To sum up, it can be better for children to grow up in the countryside although there are several disadvantages such as distance, better education, and social life including going theatres, museum, and so on. However, the place which is as wonderful as paradise does not exist in the real world. The important thing is that we should consider children's feelings and emotions to understand what they really want.

Pirfena, when you write a TOEFL essay, you are expected to present your discussion in a particular paragraph format. Your essay doesn't follow the required presentation that requires you to do the following:

1. Present the paraphrased topic statement and instructions for the discussion in the succeeding paragraphs. You may state your agreement or disagreement in this part of the essay.

2. Discuss the dissenting / opposing / disagreeing opinion using the first person pronouns "I, me".
3. Discuss the supporting opinion as per the prompt reasoning.
4. Discuss your personal opinion that agrees with the aforementioned opinion.
5. Conclude the discussion by presenting the summarized facts and a repetition of your opinion.

One of the problems that I saw in your essay is your tendency to discuss more than one reason per paragraph. As a rule of thumb, you are to present only one discussion per paragraph because you only have 5 sentences with which to defend your stance. Any additional reasons should be presented in a separate, fully developed paragraph. You must not present more than one opinion per paragraph because that results in an under developed paragraph or confusing paragraph if your command of the English language is not strong. That will cause stress for the reader, who may get confused and in the process, lower your possible score.

@pirFena
In my opinion, your essay is quite good, although sometimes I feel hard to understand. You used Academic words and various grammar. I just start to learn writing, so with me, your essay is good and I can learn more from it.