Ielts Task2, old man live with young or not
Should old man live with young people together, or should they live in the clubs for old men? Please discuss.
Nowadays, thanks to the dramatic development of medicine industry and the improvement of quality of life, the life expectation is improved steadily. It, as a result, more and more seniors in the society and it has raised a obvious question, does the elders should live with their descendant or they are going to social house for older people. In my opinion, it is better that the whole family live together and are given as following
Firstly, the foreseen benefits of living together are that the senior can teach and give their experience to their children or grandchildren. This is a valuable gift for us, with this experience, we can save lots of time to develop a new thing. In general, the society can spend less money, time for education, development so on and so forth.
Secondly, when we are living together, it is obvious that we have a chance to take care of each other especially our seniors. In Asian custom, it is really important to take care of your parents in order to show your respect, grateful for their feeding and it is also the lesson for your child to mimic as well.
Although I also agree that if the elder live in the house which is dedicated for them, they may be more fun as they will meet all people more or less the same as them. It, however, they also may be sad if they witness their friend pass away and without hearing the smiley face from the children.
In a nutshell, I think that it is better for elder to live with their offspring rather live in the elder club.
(Introduction)
Your introduction is not clear and I find it really hard that understand it .
1.You can write "the quality improvement ..." instead of "the improvement of quality of...". If you want to use "The improvement of ...", you have to add "the". But,from my perspective, "The quality improvement ..." is better .
2."The life expectation has been steadily improved .
3,I can not understand the 2nd sentence of your introduction .
4,"An obvious question"
I have not read the rest of your essay ;however, I think there exist a number of errors in your essay . You should try to rewrite it carefully without time limitation
Hi Lozzol, hope that I can help.
Since I'm not capable to figure out any abnormal to your essay, let me just do a simple grammar check on that...
... that the seniors can t...
... if the elderlies live ...
It, however, they also may be sad ... from their children.
Or if you have the 'although' in the begin of the sentence, you may skip the 'however' I believe.
In a nutshell (In conclusion/In summary/To summarize)
Some people say to avoid any informal english appear on the IELTS writing, but it is ok to use it in speaking test.
Lastly, may I ask if the question you post is the original one, which is only ask for your views on both sides? If that is the case you may skip the part that listing your opinion.
@zhongruansg and @smally01 Hi, thank you very much for your comments. I will have a look at your essays.
Your essay contained so many grammatical errors as well as weird and unnatural sentences. Therefore I find it really hard to understand what you were trying to express.
Also, it's life expectation expectancy. You're talking about the lifespan of people.
the foreseen benefits of living together are is that .... You're refering a single reason tho, as your next sentence starts with "This".
Please, you really need to rewrite this essay.