Unanswered [25] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4


A breakdown of the information about the proportion of captives in several nations


andika08 81 / 80 16  
Nov 11, 2016   #1
WRITING TASK 1 : Imprisonment in five different countries

A breakdown of the information about the proportion of crime punishments in several nations over the 50 year period, measured by thousands is illustrated in the bar chart. Overall, only Great Britain and USA showed an upward trend, a converse appeared to be true in others nation. Also, USA numbers was far the highest rate in 1980.

Great Britain was by far the most siginificant changed in the first 20-years. In contrast, Australia and New Zealand prisoners experienced downward trend in the same year. The fluctuated trend was seen in Canada offenders. Unsurprisingly, New Zealand and Australia stayed the same of proportions by 100,000 in 1930.

Turning to the last 20 years, Gread Britain crimes still experienced rose of number to 80,000. While Australia offenders had slowly climb, however, they fell down to 50,000 in the end of year. In addition, New Zealand had slightly increase until the latter one. In other case, USA and Canada prisoners performed fluctuated to 140,000 and 100,000 respectively.



mem77 62 / 98 6  
Nov 11, 2016   #2
Dear Irianto, here some advice for your writing and feel free to correct me too!

... and Australia stayed at the same of proportions by 100,000 in 1930.

... had slowly climbed, however, they fell down to ...

... had slightly increased until the latter one.

... prisoners performed a fluctuated proportion to 140,000 and ...

Regards
Hujjatul19 45 / 70 3  
Nov 11, 2016   #3
Hi Andika, here is some suggestions for you

... the proportion of crime punishmentscaptives in several nations over the ...

... by far the most siginificantsignificant changed in the first 20-years.
... stayed the same of proportions byto 100,000 in 1930.

..., Gread Britain crimesoffenders still experienced (...) had slowly climbed , however, they ...
... Zealand had slightly increased until the latter one.

Best Regards
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Nov 11, 2016   #4
Hi Andika, please find a few suggestions below to strengthen your essay.

- A breakdown of the information abouton the proportion of crime
- punishments in several nations over the 50 year period is shown in the graph below , it is measured byin thousands
- is illustrated in the bar chart .
- in others nations .
- Also, USA numbers was by far the highest rate in 1980.

- Great Britain was by farhas the most significant
- changed in the first 20-years.
- In contrastOn the contrary ( contrast - is for colors / contrary - is for ideas ) ,
- The fluctuatedfluctuating trend was
- seen inwith Canada offenders.
- ... and Australia stayed with the same of proportions by ...

There you have it Andika, as you can see there are only minor corrections that needs to be done in order to strengthen your analysis, however, it will be great if this corrections will be corrected properly before submission.


Home / Writing Feedback / A breakdown of the information about the proportion of captives in several nations
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳