Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 3


A breakdown of the percentages of people visiting several places in Australia



ochio 13 / 10  
Nov 18, 2015   #1
A breakdown of the percentages of people visiting several places, divided by four different groups of people living in Australia is presented in the bar chart. Overall, it can be seen that people living in Australia tend to go to cinema, while theatre is the least popular place visiting by Australians.

Majority of cinema visitors are native Australians, with 70%. Coming second is the group of migrants, who born in other English-speaking countries. This figure is about 65%. However, a half of migrants from other countries also prefered to go to cinema.

Newcomers, who born in the west countries experienced as the highest percentage in the theatre visitors. The rate is a quarter. In contrast, the percentages for people, who born in Australia and other states only 20% and 10% respectively.

On the other hand, the proportions of people going to the zoo and library are relatively the same. However, the group of English-speaking migrants ranks first by 50% in the number of tourists for zoo, while the visitors of the library was dominated by Australian tourists, who born in other countries. The figure is more than a half.


  • new.jpg


KenMugi 1 / 5  
Nov 18, 2015   #2
Hey Rosyidah,
I think you've done brilliantly in summarizing the bar chart. Only one thing to correct. I believe Newcomers, who born in the west countries is the wrong term to use. You should say New migrants from other english speaking countries.

Cheers,
Kenneth
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1170  
Nov 18, 2015   #3
A breakdown of SOME ATTRACTIONS WHERE THREE DIFFERENT BRACKETS LIVING IN AUSTRALIA VISIT the percentages of people visiting several places, divided by four different groups of people living in Australia is presented in the bar chart. Overall, it can be seen that people living in MORE AustraliaNS AND OTHER COHORTS tend to go to cinema, while theatre is the least popular place visiting by Australians THOSE GROUPS OF PEOPLE.

Majority of cinema visitors are native Australians, with 70%. Coming second is the group of migrants, who born in other English-speaking countries. This LATTER figure is about 65%. However, IN THE SAME TIME, a half of migrants from other countries also prefered to go to ARE cinema-GOERS

Newcomers, who born in the west countries ENGLISH-SPEAKING MIGRANTS experiencedas BY FAR the highest percentage in the theatre visitors. The rate is UNDER a quarter OF PEOPLE. THIS IS In STARK contrast TO THE PROPORTIONS OF AUSTRALIAN AND NON-ENGLISH SPEAKING VISITORS, the percentages for people, who born in Australia and other states WITH only 20% and 10% respectively.

If you look at the data closely, the you can see that the table given attaches no time frame. This means that you need to talk about present time, not preceding year. Mind your tenses.


Home / Writing Feedback / A breakdown of the percentages of people visiting several places in Australia
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳