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The most attraction places to visit by different people living in Australia


amrillahmk 29 / 47 6  
Oct 27, 2016   #1
Some locations, which are visited by distinct people's background that live in Australia, including those who were born in Australia, new migrants born in English-speaking country as well as in other countries, are presented in the bar chart measured by percentage. Overall, the most significant fact to emerge is that cinema becomes the most attraction place to visit by all different people in that category. Moreover, zoo and library are in the second places while theatre is the least attraction location to visit.

To begin with, cinema is in the first place as the most attraction place, in which more than 50% or above different people living in Australia visit this spot. However, people born in Australia sit in the first bar chart which hit 70% and it is followed by new migrants who were born in English-speaking countries as well as in other countries which reach around 65% and 50% respectively.

Subsequently, zoo and library are in the second locations to visit by average people in category, in which zoo becomes the main attraction reaching at 50% for new migrants born in English-speaking while library becomes the primary attraction spot which hits roughly 55% for new migrants born in other countries. In addition, theatre is deemed as unattractive place to visit by distinct people's background, the lowest in the bar chart in general.



ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Oct 27, 2016   #2
Hi Amril,

Let me just rephrase your introduction to make it look stylistically better.

A breakdown of the information about the locations visited by three different groups of people who live in Australia is depicted in the bar chart. It is measured in percent. Overall, the most significant fact to emerge is that Cinema becomes the most attractive place to visit whereas Theatre turns out to have the least percentage among three other attractions.

It depends on the data itself. I am not really sure that it is necessary to write all the data in the introduction. This can make the introduction becomes bulky and too-informative. Your summarizing skill is being tested here. You can just see the prompt if you are not really sure about what you are going to do. I hope this instruction would remind you "Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant".

Hope this helps :)
lanazaldo 7 / 10  
Oct 27, 2016   #3
Hi..
good writing..
let me give some suggestions..

..., are presented in the bar chart measured by percentage[it seems confusing, you don't need to put that info] . Overall, the most significant fact to emerge[make it simple, don't infuriate the readers] is that cinema becomes (...) visit by all different people in that category[what category? you could explain more] .

I hope it helps..


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