Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

The number of places visited by three types different people living in Australia


Mimi07 9 / 15 2  
May 1, 2016   #1
The four places visited by three types different people living in Australia can be seen in the bar chart. It is noticeable that cinema is the most favourite places by people born in Australia and new migrants from English-speaking countries, while the most popular places visited by new migrants from other countries is library. In contrast, theatre and zoo are similar pattern, while theatre reveals the lowest places visited among the others.

Turning to cinema and library, cinema breaks the limit places visited by people born in Australia, at 70%, compared approximately 55% for library. New migrants from English-speaking countries shows the second top visitor in the library and cinema, while cinema witnessed larger than library. Interestingly, library is very high places see by new migrants from other countries, but it reveals very low for cinema.

However, new migrants from English-speaking countries shows the highest visitors in zoo and theatre, it presents zoo visitor twice than theatre. After that, it also experience people born in Autralia visit theatre a fairly half then zoo. Then, the lowest visitor by new migrants from other countries is theatre, at 10%.




tria25 12 / 19 4  
May 1, 2016   #2
hi mimi, your writing is good, yet let me help you to make it better.

Turning to cinema and library, the cinema breaks the limit places visitedput the for the words have been mentioned

instead of repeating the word of Shows , you may change it into describes orillustrates

itis also experienced people born in Autralia visit theatre a fairly half then zoo.

thank you
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
May 3, 2016   #3
- by three types different people
- It is noticeable that the cinema
- favourite places by
- places visited by new
- countries is the library.
- In contrastOn the contrary ( contrast - color / contrary - ideas ) ,
- lowest places visited among the others.

- Turning to the cinema
- and the library,
- cinema breaks the limited
- places to visited
- compared to approximately
- witnessed largeran increase than library. - Interestingly, the library is at the - very highhighest places
- see by new migrants from other countries, butand - it reveals very low percentage for the cinema.

There you have it Mimi, I hope the corrections help you out with your revision.
Practice, practice, practice....this is the only way to go and I know that you will get better with time.


Home / Writing Feedback / The number of places visited by three types different people living in Australia