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task 1 - The Percentage of Places Visited by Different People in Australia


wahyutri13 10 / 13  
Jan 30, 2016   #1
The bar chart portrays the data about the places where is visited by three different people living in Australia. They are individuals who born in Australia, New migrants who born in English spoken countries, and New migrants who born in other countries. The data set is measured in percentage. The most obvious information are that Cinema is the highest place visited by the Australian and new English spoken migrants but Theater has the minimum proportion of place visited by the three different visitors.

First of all, Cinema is predominant space visited by people who born in Australia and English-speaking countries. Furthermore, the proportion of spot visited exactly same between Cinema where is visited by migrants from other countries and Zoo where is visited by English spoken migrants. In addition, Zoo visited by Australian and other countries have virtually visitors with Library visited by Australian and English spoken persons at around 30-40%.

On the other hand, all three different people origin visits very rare for Theater, all at under 30%. Moreover, Library is the different location where is visited. All three other places, they are Zoo, Theater, and Cinema show that person who born Australian and English spoken more visit than new migrants born in other countries. However, in Library individuals who most visited are New migrants from other countries.



Crystal812 23 / 55 11  
Jan 30, 2016   #2
The bar chart portrays the data about the places where which is visited by three different people

They are individuals who born in Australia, New migrants who born in English spoken countries, and New migrants who born in other countries

Cinema is the highest place visited by the Australian (This could be confusing. Could you try to describe it as a rate or frequency)

Cinema is predominant space visited by people who born in Australia
Moreover, Library is the different location where is visited.

It is appreciable that you are making great efforts to make the sentence better, however I recommend you should pay attention to clauses.

e.g. They will fly to Washington, where they plan to stay for two or three days.
→ They will fly to Washington, in which they plan to stay for two or three days.
→ They will fly to Washington, and they plan to stay in Washington for two or three days

e.g. I was born in Washington
→ I am a girl born in Washington
→ I am a girl who was born in Washington
fariz10 13 / 18 2  
Jan 31, 2016   #4
Hi Wahyu,
In my opinion, the first and second paragraphs have delivered the point of the chart, but there are several grammatical error that you have to fix it. Besides, the last paragraph is quite confusing.

On the other hand, all three different people origin visits very rare for Theater , all at under 30%. Moreover, Library is the different location where is visited(what does it mean?) . All three other places, they are Zoo, Theater, and Cinema show that person who born Australian and English spoken more visit than new migrants born in other countries. However, in Library individuals who most visited are New migrants from other countries.

I thought you have proplem in grouping this bar chart. so, you have to improve your ability in grouping.


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