please tell me how it is or what I must change?
Why so serious? Breathe, relax, enjoy life, explore, and worry not. Money, technology, friendship, love, careers, and problems will come and go. To put into perspective my insignificance in the infinite universe: I am but a speck on a speck on a billion other specks. Thus, I tend not to worry. Worry is the most malicious atrocity humans chose to practice. Everyday we run and run, worrying about the Boss's flawless coffee, or pesky deadlines. But if death visits unexpectedly, did all those worries accomplish anything?
Everything I do is pure worry-free enjoyment. I go to college because I love embracing a community that considers the pursuit of knowledge noble, even if some degrade it to hopeless competition. I volunteer at the zoo because I have a commitment to preserve nature, even if industries recklessly pollute. Love, forgiveness, and commitment is how I defeat worry.
Every morning I wake up smiling knowing my 18 month old niece will burst into my room at exactly 8:00 A.M. laughing as she skitters over to my bed. Well, one day she burst into my room throwing her ball at my head. So, I took away her favorite ball and replaced it with a receipt. To my surprise, she did not whine or scream for her ball. She embraced the exchange and threw the receipt in the air watching it slowly flutter down. Her eyes sparkled in amazement as did mine. She had it all figured out, worry not and enjoy everything because life is just that, a thing.
Hi,
I liked you essay it was really good. I was a little confused on the topic, or what the theme of the essay is. I think you should put the topic or what you are writing about so we can better assist you. I don't really understand what you mean by this: "I am but a speck on a speck on a billion other specks" I think you can make it clear on what you are trying to say in this sentence. I think your ending could be a little stronger, maybe connect it to the beginning, and why it's pointless to worry. I would say make it a "bang" ending.
Money, technology, friendship, love, careers, and problems will come and go.
I suggest a small change in presentation;
Money, fame, freindship,love, career, problems are things that come and go. ... I excluded "technology" as I felt it does not fit in this list.
To put into perspective my insignificance in the infinite universe, I am but a speck on a speck on a billion other specks.
.... I changed punctuation to comma
Worry is the most malicious atrocity humans chose to practice.
....great.... I wish we all could take your words into heart :)
Interesting .... :)
were you being sarcastic here...lol I can't figure it out....I made it so its not so opinionated is that what you meant?
well here is how I finsihed it off....I just don't know how to end something so simple as "not worrying:" (any ideas?)...Also, there is a very awkward transition in the niece story that I cannot seem to break...(well one day...)
were you being sarcastic here...lol I can't figure it out....I made it so its not so opinionated is that what you meant?
Not at all... I said it with a good spirit.... It's really good to keep ourselves happy all the time... Happiness is the most treasured wealth in the world :)
Stanford: will you compare both of these essays, which is better?
Prompt: what matters and why? number two is a work in progress but I wanted your opinion on which one is better...I am worry free..but I am also considerate...lol...SO HELP ME PICK PLEASE
1)Every morning I wake up smiling knowing my 18 month old niece will burst into my room at exactly 8:00 A.M. laughing as she skitters over to my bed. It was a subtle reminder one morning when she burst into my room throwing her ball at my face. I immediately concealed her favorite ball and replaced it with a receipt. To my surprise, she did not whine or scream for her ball. She embraced the exchange and threw the receipt in the air watching it slowly flutter down. Her eyes glistened in amazement as did mine. She had it all figured out, worry not and enjoy everything because life is just that, a thing.
Why so serious? Breathe, relax, enjoy life, explore, and worry not. Money, fame, friendship, love, career, and problems will come and go. To put into perspective the insignificance of my problem: it is but a speck on a billion consecutive specks. Thus, I tend not to worry. Worry is the most malicious atrocity I chose not to practice. I can run and run, worrying about the Boss's flawless coffee, or pesky deadlines. But if death visits unexpectedly, did all those worries accomplish anything?
Everything I do is pure worry-free enjoyment. I go to college because I love embracing a community that considers the pursuit of knowledge noble, even if some degrade it to hopeless competition. I volunteer at the zoo because I have a commitment to preserve nature, even if industries recklessly pollute. Love, forgiveness, and commitment is how I defeat worry.
Do me a favor, stop reading the rest of my application, go outside, breathe the fresh aroma of relief, and whistle as your mind floats into paradise. I can wait, because that is the true beauty of no worries.
2)It is Sunday night football. The night is young and the chatter is lively. The eight slices of hot and cheesy pepperoni pizza have arrived; now it is all a numbers game. I devour two slices, and chug a coke. My friend Eddy devours his two slices, and Nick is still on his first. But wait, out of the corner of my eye I spot Mr. Inconsiderate, who had his fair share. My vision transforms into slow motion as he casually approaches the lonely slice that is rightfully Nick's. Fear entrenches my body and my eyes bulge out as he inches closer. No; he conquered the last slice. There was no reprimand that night, rather a silent realization to always be considerate.
Outside the serious context of pizza pies. I find life more joyful when I consider everyone's feelings. This way hate, deception, and revenge easily subsides. This world was not built on survival of the fittest. Revolutions were won together, machines were built for all peoples, and knowledge was passed on so society could continue to function. Before I move for action, I always stop and think about the collateral damage....blah blah blah
I think the second one is better
Do you know what? I would advise not posting these essays on essayforum because someone might copy or plagerise them! And do you know why they would want to copy yours? Because your essays are simply too amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I like the metaphor about the receipt. I like the first one better because it tells you that you enjoy life.
Man, you really know how to make someone panic. lol. Your making me nervous...You think people would do that? If so, even the same colleges I am applying to???
thank you for your advice, I am so stuck... you say the first and other guy says the second...I guess I will I have to break the tie...
I see you have essays...I will get right on them.
I think it's possible as someone copied my essay for my patriot's pen essay contest. I'm in seventh grade so it's not as big of a deal, but it was a CONTEST nevertheless. I think Yale is looking not only for someone who can be categorized as a nerd wh sits in his house studying ll day, but also for someone sociable and very philosophical. You are a very deep thinker (that can be portrayed through the first). Also, I haven't finished my other essay, but after I'm done, can you take a look? Thanks
Also,your stress free and a bit carefree. I like that feeling.
I would advise not posting these essays on essayforum because someone might copy or plagerise them!
@ android21 - If you want, you may close your threads because you have enough likes for that. Then they'll not be seen in the active section. I think that's good for you to be on safe side. Also, I noticed you have provided very good feed backs for others. Thanks and I wish you would use your skills to help others by becoming a contributor (check our contributor page). Drop us a mail if you are interested. We would happy to have you on board ;)
