Unanswered [8] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

IELTS Task 1: Ireland, Italy, Spain, Sweden, and Turkey - money spent on consumer goods


andrewfoy273 2 / 5 1  
May 27, 2019   #1

Percentage of national consumer expenditure by category - 2002



The given table presents the percentage which clients consume their money on different goods in five countries namely Ireland, Italy, Spain, Sweden, and Turkey.

Overall, this is evident that people in the world prefer affording food/drinks/tobacco to other items. As can be seen that Turkey had the highest proportion compared to others while the major field Leisure/Education was neglected seriously especially in Spain.

First of all, with the greatest percentage in Food/Drinks/Tobacco, Turkey went first, followed by Ireland which stood at roughly 33% and 29%. Besides, the amount of consumer expenditure in Turkey was higher and twice as much as that in Italy.

On the other hand, it seems to be the case that beside the demand for food/drinks/tobacco, people were still big on hanging out for shopping. Additionally, the number of Italians shopping accounted for 9% whereas these data in four countries were recorded to be slightly fewer (nearly 5%). Turning to leisure/education, the overall percentage was immensely less than 2-3 times in comparison with two aforementioned aspects. However, there are no significant differences between Clothing/Footwear and Leisure/Education in both Sweden and Turkey.

-194 words-


  • Percentage of national consumer expenditure by category - 2002

Maria [Contributor] - / 934 337  
May 27, 2019   #2
@andrewfoy273
Hi there!

First and foremost, I think that your writing is straightforward and to-the-point. This is essential when you are writing interpretative data.

I recommend having more appropriate transition between your sentences/phrases. I have observed that you have a tendency to neglect structure when you are writing. Avoid this through being consistent with the rules of writing.

Speaking of consistency, if you decide to capitalize a terminology (ie. food/drinks/tobacco), push through with it. But, in this case, there is no need - not unless you are speaking of formal names of countries.

Having expressive sentences can also go a long way. You lose the meaning that you want to portray when you are merely writing everything.

Categorizing your words can also help you have more technique in shortening your content to have more space for in-depth/contributor lines.

Let's revise.

The table is evidence of the world's preference towards purchasing food, drinks and tobacco compared to other items. Turkey had the largest proportion in comparison to others.*

*The addition of your interpretation of leisure/education is quite far-fetched here. It doesn't quite fit the flow of the paragraph. Try to integrate it elsewhere.

Firstly, Turkey had the greatest percentage in food, drinks and tobacco, followed by Ireland with 33% and 29% respectively. In addition, the amount of consumer expenditure in Turkey is twice higher than in Italy.

[...]


I have noticed that you attempted to structure in a way that perceives Turkey as a reference point. I can suggest that you try to be more explicit about this to avoid confusing the readers.

Best of luck in your writing.
OP andrewfoy273 2 / 5 1  
May 28, 2019   #3
I am really grateful to you. Thank you so much. Your advices are immensely helpful !


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: Ireland, Italy, Spain, Sweden, and Turkey - money spent on consumer goods