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Building a large shopping center in your neighborhood - 'hanging out place'



scarecrowd 8 / 15  
Sep 8, 2010   #1
Hi people! I'm from Thailand and preparing to toefl test. Want you guys to check my simple essay and comment about it. Thank you for your help in advance. This is my first essay that very simple and there may be some errors. Need your help to improving my writing skill. Kobkhun kab.

Would you support building a large shopping center in your neighborhood?
In the developing world, the most important hanging out place is shopping center, and it seems to be more effect in today's life. One question that I often thought about is "What is the effect of building a large shopping center in your neighborhood". Although traffic jam is going to be one major problem, in my opinion, having the shopping center around your place bring more convenient to your life and cheaper products you can get.

It is very easy for you if you have shopping center in your community. When you need something in urgent, it won't be any problem. You can go whenever you want to because it is just few minutes from home. In contrast, the store that far from your house make you plan so hard when you go there or what I have to buy. It is very convenient when the shopping mall is around your conner.

The shopping center is also selling the cheaper goods than the small convenient store because of the lower cost in selling large qualtity products. Another thing is that the shopping mall always decreases its price in order to reduce its stock and buy new one in. These advantage of malls is benefits for us, consumers.

On the other hand traffic jams around your place is unavoidable if shopping centers is at your place. There are many hanging out place such as movie theatre, famous restaurant and even game center in the large shopping building. Consequently many peoples come to the mall, and then you have to face traffic problems. So we can see the negative effect of the shopping mall to your community.

In conclusion, we call see positive effects in having shopping centers around your house, but it also have negative effects to be concerned. Any large project that built has both advantages and disadvantages, and the shopping center is no exception.

mea505 - / 265  
Sep 8, 2010   #2
You need to use some articles in your essay, such as the word, "an," or "a." The term, "convenient" should be "convenience" as it applies to the stores. In the first sentence, "In the developing world, the most important hanging out place is the shopping center...should read the following: In the developing world, the most popular place to hang out seems to be the shopping center, and it seems to be more prevalent in today's society.

Go through your essay and use the "article" more often. Also, change the term "convenient." If you post this same essay again, I might be able to help you some more.

Thanks,

Mark
vaishali1980 26 / 76  
Sep 8, 2010   #3
In Toefl you should clearly support only one opinion.

Some more points you can add

advantage - rising value of your property, spend your spare of time for getting info of new items and price compare

disadvantage - pollution-nature distroy, air because of vehicles and noise, unsefty for living
OP scarecrowd 8 / 15  
Sep 9, 2010   #4
Thank you both of you. It should be great comment to improve my writing. Do you have any further suggestion that can help my english?


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