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IELTS: business and financial grew noticeably and become the most advanced area



shinichi75 5 / 13  
Jun 21, 2013   #1
Please help me to point out the mistakes and correct them. Thank you!

Topic: The graph below shows the contribution of three sectors- agriculture, manufacturing , and business and financial services- to the UK economy in the twentieth century.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.


The chart presents the information about the proportion of three economic areas in UK in twentieth century: agriculture, manufacturing and business and financial services.
We can see from the data that 2 main fields in the UK economy from 1900 to 1950 were agriculture and manufacturing. However, from 1975 to 2000, there was a change in proportion of these sectors, specifically, business and financial services was developed most and took up the highest rate in 2000. In 1900, agriculture and manufacturing were taken up about 50% and 45% respectively in the UK economy, whereas the percentage of business and financial was far lower, only approximately 5%. This pattern was the same in 1950. In 1975, manufacturing was much higher in comparison with agriculture and business and financial. In 2000, business and financial was mainly developed and made up around 35% of economy. By contrast, manufacturing and agriculture were by far lower and were less than 15% and 5% respectively.

In general, business and financial grew noticeably and become the most advanced area instead of agriculture and manufacturing.


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Mabossani 6 / 13  
Jun 21, 2013   #2
Hello,
You talk about three economic areas but seemingly you point out four: agriculture, manufacturing and business and financial services.
Suggestion: you should have written: manufacturing and bussiness, agriculture and financial ressources.

Good luck!
MisterWandering 18 / 314  
Jun 23, 2013   #3
The chart presents the information about the proportion of three economic areas in UK in twentieth century

-> ... the UK in the twentieth century

business and financial services was developed most

-> business and financial services grew/developed the most

were taken up

-> took up/accounted for/constituted

In 1975, manufacturing was much higher in comparison with agriculture and , business and financial.

business and financial was mainly developed

business and financial grew noticeably and became the most advanced area

I hope these help!


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