Some businesses find that when new employees join them after finishing their education, they lack...

Some businesses find that when new employees join them after finishing their education, they lack basic interpersonal skills such as the ability to work with their colleagues as part of a team. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to solve it?

With an abundance of young hires to choose from, employers demand more qualified candidates than ever before. However, companies complain that new employees lack many applied skills, such as the ability to work well in teams and communicate effectively, and uphold a professional demeanor. In this case, several contributed factors will be analyzed before drawing the solution.

One reason that students may have poorly developed social skills is the lack of emphasis on them in a traditional educational setting. All the subjects only provide theoretical education, student do not get experience to develop good communication and interpersonal skills. Taking class condition as an example, student come to class and the class provide lecturer, the only opportunity for student to learn interpersonal skill by doing their team homework with their peer. In this case team study only temporary and in a brief time, scholars do not get extra opportunity to explore theirself.

Our educational system has to be revamped to solve this problem by maximizing student's potential both personally and professionally. Universities need to put emphasis on creating employable men and women who will be able to fit into their roles in the workplace. Colleges should also arrange workshops and training where students can pick up essential vocational and communication skills. In addition, after getting soft skill training, student should be provided to learn experiential learning where students are given well-structured opportunities for direct interaction with employers such us internships and field visits. In other words, universities should shift their focus from theory to practical.

To conclude, our traditional education system that focuses on theory should be transformed by giving applied training improving student's professional value. In addition student willingness to improve their interpersonal skills is also needed by self learning.

Novi, I can see that you have an interesting topic to be discussed further. It is a current problematical issue which has never-ending cycle indeed. Even though some companies believe that experience is not really necessary, many enterprises think that new employees should at least have experience for 1 year. Therefore, I would like to focus on seeing the weight of your content.

When it comes to causes, I reckon that when you brought the case to the traditional educational setting, it was too wide for a topic. Narrowing down the focus of the discussion is really important. For instance, 'What kind of country which still have that system?', 'Do you think that is the only cause?'. I think even in Indonesia, in many universities that I know, most of them already have soft-skill program. I don't say that this is wrong, but you need to bring the reason of yours into a specific level that the reader will not question your essay anymore. Perhaps, bring this case into one of the third-world countries will be suitable for the discussion, or mention the rural area of Indonesia, which I think some of them still have this old-educational method that you've mentioned above.

Meanwhile, for the solution, your opening sentence tend to over-generalize the discussion area. When you mention 'our', the reader/examiner can't be involved. Most of the examiners are coming from developed countries, and their educational systems are not the same as yours. I think you need to be careful next time. However, aside from my suggestions above, I think you already have a good grammatical control, even some errors were still there, but it didn't impede the communication. In addition, I also like your effort in putting some less common vocabularies in which will not escape the attention of the examiner. These are your plus points, you need to maintain or even develop this positive side of yours in order to outweigh your weaknesses. :)

Hi Novi, first of all, I would like to commend you in coming up with a well written essay. As I read along, I can't help but realize that your essay is actually dealing with the current events, it is very realistic, it is what is happening in, not only a specific country but in the world in general.

Normally, in prompts like this, I would do a little research to know and verify the information provided in the essay, this is done to make sure that what we are writing is legitimate, not plagiarized from one writing and more importantly, factual, the least thing that you can do is to actually come up with an essay that is only your opinion and no facts, it should be a balanced essay and this is just what you did in this writing project.

As much as I love the essay, I would suggest that in your IELTS practices, minimize the paragraphs into 3, it's easier to read this way and will not eat up too much time as well as energy in writing. Also, it will showcase your writing in a glance. Keep writing.