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IELTS - CAM 4 - TASK 1 - DEMAND FOR ELECTRICITY IN ENGLAND


Traveler 6 / 14 2  
Sep 18, 2013   #1
The graph below shows the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie chart shows how electricity is used in an average English home. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

This is my answer

The line graph compares the daily consumption of electricity in England in two different seasons, winter and summer. The pie chart provides information about how electricity is consumed in a typical English household.

It is noticeable that the largest demand for electricity is during the coldest months of the year, and this consumption is double if compared with the one in summer. Furthermore, the largest proportion of power consumed by English families, 52,5%, is used to heat rooms and water.

The daily consumption of electricity during winter fluctuates between 30000 units in morning hours and 45000 units in the evening. On the other hand, the demand in summer is much lower an less variable, with figures between 13000 units in the morning and 20000 units in the early afternoon. Moreover, both in winter and summer electricity consumption has its bottom between 6 a.m. and 9 p.m..

Looking at the pie chart, the remaining 50% of power consumed is equally distributed in three slices. Almost 18% of that is used for ovens, kettles and washing machines, while 15% is consumed for lighting, televisions and radios. The other 15% is utilized for vacuum cleaners, food mixers and electric tools.

Any comments are appreciated. Thanks




ARIA 16 / 43 1  
Sep 18, 2013   #2
H there
it is a good beginning which can be better with some trimming and better organization of the main information.
there are some suggestion:
#1-I think it is better to define your introduction from the rest of writing by pasting a part of your second para to the first para.

The line graph compares the daily consumption of electricity in England ...
#2-there is not "the daily consumption" and it is "daily demand" which is totally different entity. you mentioned that in your both first and third paragraph.

#3- I believe using word "reaches to its lowest level" is more academic than "has its bottom", however, its correct form would be "in both winter and summer time energy demands reached on its lowest level at 6-9 am and around midnight",

Keep going
good luck.
Aria
trangkhanhle 2 / 5  
Sep 18, 2013   #3
provides information

I think it's not a good choice, u should use: illustrate or indicates, demonstrate, shows...
MisterWandering 18 / 321 130  
Sep 20, 2013   #4
is double if compared with the one in summer

doubles the corresponding figure for the summer

52,5%

You don't need to mention the figures in the overview paragraph.

#2-there is not "the daily consumption" and it is "daily demand" which is totally different entity.

And I agree with Arian!
congchop 7 / 14 2  
Sep 20, 2013   #5
You should notice the tense of sentence: past
ARIA 16 / 43 1  
Sep 24, 2013   #6
As long as it doesn't mention the time, it is OK if use the present tense.


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