this is it.
please can anyone comment and help me.its for commonApp.
You might be wondering what this spectacular thing is. I assure you it is not meeting Wayne Rooney and not winning the lottery. On the other hand, it was an amazing experience and honestly I don't think there will ever be one better. It's the training camp I attended in Egypt.
I was chosen by the school between 250 students to go. Just the idea of being chosen by the school from other students is quite exhilarating; it made feel that I am capable of doing anything because I have the potential to be great. Now the experience itself. I stepped out of the airplane still not knowing what to expect. Is it the same boring camp people usually go to? Are the people there friendly? Am I going to have a good time? This state stayed on me until I stepped out of the bus onto the school campus.
On my way up to my assigned room, I made around twenty friends who later became my best friends. Besides the sessions, we had numerous trips to see the wonderful sites of Egypt from the famous pyramids and Nile cruise to the small local shops and busy restaurants. I met people from all over the world, such as America, Qatar, Germany and much more. Imagine living with around 100 people and knowing each and every single person, eating, laughing, and sleeping for ten days. Those people became my brothers and sisters. They showed me people can be from different places yet get along perfectly. Some didn't have the same point of view but enjoyed their time like the others.
The morning following our arrival was the beginning of the action. Busy yet fruitful schedule. Our first session was about positive thinking which was a wakeup call. I realized that I affect the people around me as much as they affect me so why not smile and show the world that I can withstand all odds; that's the reason why I smile all the time. In addition to that, I learned that being positive is the light which shines through the darkness and overcomes it. I changed my idea about life; if I were angry and upset about something, having a positive mentality isn't forgetting about my problems, it's about dealing with them in a different attitude.
The second session was about leadership. At the beginning of the session we were asked, "What makes a good leader?" Many answers were related to being a boss, and controls everything. The answer was by far not the ones given. They were: being responsible, team player, and acquired with commitment. Finally, I learned to depend on myself.
This camp opened my eyes on a lot of things. Those were two discussions from many others. I am proud to have attended it and wouldn't replace it for the world. All the memories are there in my mind and I'm striving to be the leader and most positive person on earth. Summing it up: Spectacular!!!!!
the essay doesn't sounds boastful and is a great story for the common app essay to me. A few things i would suggest you put in your essay. Closer to the beginning, include the points you want to adress in the body of your essay. I was very lost as to where you were going with this essay until i read it a few times. As ive gathered, the main points you were trying to get though was this trip showed cultural interactions, learning positive behavior and responsibility. It took me a few reads to completely get what you were trying to get at, which means it should be clearer since admissions only reads through it once or twice. also one thing i dont understand is what was this place where you went. Only thing i got from it was that it is in Egypt and seemed like a leadership program. not exactly sure what you attended. you might want to make that clearer.
On adding things to first and second sessions portion of your essay, try to include examples of how you changed and used stuff you got there. it does seem like this experience was a positive experience on your life and it would be good to see how it has affected you. This is a definitely good start and direction for your essay