IELTS TASK 2: Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now "one big traffic jam".

How true do you think this statement is?
What measures can governments take to discourage people from using their cars?

Traffic congestion is a major issue in society these days. For this reason, a rise significantly in car ownership over three decades has already affected to the number of malady traffic jam. While this obvious fact is nearly to be true to some extent, I am personally convinced that there are number of measurements could be taken by governments from car-used.

It is undeniable that the majority of people especially in large cities are keen on driving car as their main transportation to meet their daily activities. A research study has shown that nearly 90 percent of people who live in Indonesia own a car. They use it frequently for having trip, going to work, or even only going to some stores near by their homes. In consequence, the incline in people commuting car is getting worse, and it takes some time to be solved.

...

They use it frequently for having trips
people commuting by car

Admittedly, the allowance to pay higher tax for car ownership is the viable solution through this problem
"allowance" isn't a right word here. I suggest rewording: ..the implementation of the policy that requires people to pay...

people who visit to this country are estimated to be surprise because there are no more cars operated in this country.
people who visit to this country
are estimatedare liable to be surprised - "estimate to be" is used for figures

The reason why it could be happenedhappen is that (governments rise in tax??)...
I suggest rewording: the reasons for this involve the authorities rising the tax for car ownership and fining (verb fine)...

By doing so, people tend to cogitate about driving to the town
you can't write "by doing so, people.." because in this case the subject is the government. Who is "doing so"? -Government. So it should be " by doing so, government..." --- so this needs rewording. Or remove the phrase "by doing so"

I'd write "As a result,people tend to avoid"

As a result, people will not break the rule when governments are able to manage well.
It doesn't make sense to write "people will not break the rule", because such a problem has not been aroused. The problem is that people use car too often; we don't know if they break rules.

Also,here you need to write in the past simple, because you are referring to the result, which already took place.
as a result, people gave up their habits of using their cars too often because the government was able to manage well