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Cars made in Argentia / Australia / Thailand - writing task

Nhanpham147 1 / 1  
Jun 1, 2019   #1
compare the data on number of cars made

The table below shows the number of cars made in three countries in 2003, 2006, 2009.


Argentina: 235,088
Australia: 452,163
Thailand: 735,852

Argentina: 352,759
Australia: 341,268
Thailand: 1,162,356

Argentina: 466, 089
Australia: 245,624
Thailand: 999,963

( Since the image is too big to post, I decided to rewrite them above.)

The table compares three countries in terms of car production between 2003 and 2009.

It is clear that Thailand, despite a slight fall in the last three years, was the largest car producer over the period shown. While Thailand and Argentina saw a big increase in automobile production, Australia experienced a decrease.

In 2006, Thailand was the largest car manufacturer, producing around 730 thousand units, which was higher than the combined figures of Argentina and Australia. Australia supplied over 450 thousand units to the market, whereas Argentina only produced 235 thousand units, at just half of Australia's. However, over the following 6 years, Argentina overtook Australia as the second highest among three countries.

From 2006 to 2009, the number of cars manufactured in Thailand rose dramatically to a peak of more than 1 million in 2006 units before declining to 999 thousand units in 2009. Meanwhile, the figure for Argentina increased by around 200 thousand units. By contrast, a fall by a similar amount in car manufacture was seen in Australia.

Maria - / 1,100 389  
Jun 1, 2019   #2
Hi there!

Writing tasks challenge you to compress your thoughts into smaller chunks of text. I suggest being more strategic when it comes to which information you wish to incorporate into your text. Omit unnecessary and irrelevant words to have more space for fruitful discussions.

That being said, next time, I would opt that you try to divide your discussion into two portions. Firstly, you can start off with a descriptive text on what you can observe or discern from the texts that you have. Secondly, you can begin to elaborate on a more critical analysis viewpoint of the essay. Having two distinctive portions would help you sharpen your writing for more long-form content.

Replace repetitions with synonymous terminologies. This would help you saturate your text with a good amount of complexity, ensuring that you are able to grasp the fundamentals of the language before proceeding to polishing the technical side of your writing.

With that being said, I can propose the following revisions for a portion of the text:

It is clear that Thailand, ... the period shown. While ... production Among the three countries mentioned, only Australia experienced a decrease in automobile production.

Best of luck in your writing.
OP Nhanpham147 1 / 1  
Jun 2, 2019   #3
Thank you for correcting my essay.

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