A CASUAL GLANCE FROM MY LOVE (Cambridge Ordinary Level examinations of English)

forgotten childhood love

That desolate market that used to be so bustling during the old nineties, stimulated the cherished memories of my begone past. The full moon illuminating the street where many young children used to hover about in circles. Under a dimly lighted candle some elderly people used to sit and talk about the current issues of the area and discussing innovative ideas to improve the young generation.

After so long, I was here again. The road was muddy after a drizzle in the afternoon. My mind took me back in time where I remembered a girl with long braid who used to swing over her roof during the rain. Her wet face and pretty features were so attractive that I used to stare at her for ages. Just then, I remembered my own flushed face when I got a casual glance from her.

Today, I smiled generously over my foolishness. In fact, It was a loser's smile over a forgotten childhood love.

@Peachy_Hag
I absolutely appreciate the imagery you presented in the essay. However, I must say that even though it's a very elegant read structurally speaking, it took me some analysis to understand the point you were trying to convey. By the end of the essay, it feels as if something important was skipped over. Maybe cut down parts of imagery to elaborate on the sentences which preceed your conclusion.

Samana, this is a confusing piece of writing. It sounds like you meant this to be a poem first, a narrative story second. As I recall, you had this set up as a poem the first time you posted it. What made you change your mind about the presentation? The thing is, even though you changed the presentation, you did not change your wording. So it still came across as poetical but lacking in substance. For example, sentence number 2 in the first paragraph 2 abruptly ended. There was no subject to the verb. So that sentence did not help to move the story along nor clarify the meaning of the sentence.

Just knowing a lot of English words, but not being able to write a complete and coherent sentence in the language doesn't prove English proficiency. The overall essay was just a practice of English vocabulary on your part, without consideration for the meaning of the sentence or the point of the story. That is why I found it to be verbally impressive but lacking in content and relevance in terms of story telling.

I am really grateful over your critical analysis over my piece of writing. i really needed this and i will try to improve my writing. This was my first try i will try to be better next time. Thankyou for your effort.