The cause of lack of information for children at school ( TASK 2)

Nowadays, fully concentration in attending the class is extremely arduous for many students. There are two possible factors both inside and outside which give rise to this problem. I personally argue that school institution and parents should address this issue.

Two reasons bringing about children who are not able to pay attention in the learning room are inside factor and outside factor. Firstly, inside factor is which comes from those children selves. This is because they are lack of nutrition. This condition will lead to less concentration in the class. Secondly, outside factor is consideration caused by others. For example, some students do not play sophisticated item at the class when their educator is explaining the lesson. This phenomenon is occurred in various schools.

With regards to the solution of this matter, in my point of view, there are two parties who have to be involved to overcome it. Initially, parents should provide nutritious meal for their children at home since it will determine their concentration in the class or, at least, offer breakfast. Ultimately, education institution should take into account about this problem by formulating rule which ban student to bring mobile phone into the school. Aftermath, they will be more concentrated to listen the subject.

Therefore, it is clear that the problem caused by inside and outside reasons. However, parents and schools should share collective responsibility to deal with it. I firmly believe that if the solutions which are sated in this article will tackle this issue effectively.

hi. bastian. here my suggestions and comments which i focused on your first two paragraph. keep writing. thanks

pay attention of the form of word (adjective, noun,or adverb)
concern about the using of proper word


Two reasons bringing about why children who are not able to pay attention in the learning class room are inside internal factor and outside external factor. Firstly, inside factor is which comes from those children them selves. This is because they are lack of nutrition. This condition will lead to less concentration in the class. better to explore more your idea by mention why lack of nutrition will cause the concentration of children

Secondly, outsidefactor is consideration caused by others. For example, some students do not play sophisticated item at the class when their educator is explaining the lesson. This phenomenon is occurred in various schools.hard to follow. it contradicts opinion too as you said that 'student do not play sophisticated item at class' which more likely as a solution. in fact, in this paragraph you should reveal the reason

hi bastian,

your essay is good, but i want to give you a little bit suggestion.
i hopefully, it will be useful for your writing..

... it will determine their concentration in the class or, at least, offer breakfast. Ultimately,education institution should take into account about this problem by formulating rule which ban student to bring mobile phone into the school.

suggestion:

i think, it's quite deviated with the contents and themes... you should explain the solution about healthy food at school, not about by formulating rule to ban student for bringing phone.

let me give you example,

Ultimately, education institution should provide healthy meal in canteen. This is because school take responsible to make student more healthy in order to increase the concentration in learning. For instance, more than 3,000 school in Japan is supported by giving healthy food in school. As a result, majority children in Japan has dominant and superior in some science competitions.

this is my suggestion, i hope, it will beneficial for improving your writing skills.

thanks