Hello guys! :)
Please give me some relevant feedback about Task Response, Coherence and Cohesion, Lexical Resource and Grammar on this visual writing.
Question:
These days, many children have difficulty paying attention and concentrating in their classes at school.
What are the reasons for this?
How can it be dealt with?
Answer:
A huge number of children experience some obstacles in yielding their concentration and attention inside the classroom activity at school recently. In my point of view, this is because an abuse in the advancement of technology. However, although technological development brings detrimental effects towards the children, the role of the teacher is crucial to be appeared as a solution.
Dealing with some factors which cause the lack of attention and focus of the children, the main cause is the abuse in the enhancement of technology. Firstly, the excessive usage of this cutting-edge technology makes the children addicted, for instance, Smartphones and laptops. This distracts their concentration when they are studying inside the class. Secondly, the abuse of technological development triggers the children to forget the time, for example, they are still using it even inside the classroom activity. As a consequence, the amount of attention span is declining. Hence, it can be seen that, those are the reasons why children lost their interest inside the class.
However, with regards to this hurdle, teacher holds an essential role by implementing some strict rules towards the children. First of all, the teacher should prohibit the children to bring such gadgets inside the classroom activity. This results in the enhancement in children's concentration towards the explanation of the teacher. Second of all, the teacher should manage the class as interactive as possible, so the children do not have time to utilize their gadgets due to the fact that games and social networks inside the gadgets will distract their focus in class. Therefore, the teacher should be as creative as possible to handle the problem in the class.
In conclusion, the children's lack of attention and focus in the class are now becoming a recent matter. I would firmly argue that it is because of an inappropriate use of technological advancement. Thus, the teacher plays an important role to solve this problem by applying some strict rules inside the class. In addition, I recommend to all teachers to do the same action.
Hi Mochtar, I can see that you have gathered a very comprehensive enhancement here from Ray93 and I hope you follow through, these suggestions can be very valuable as you go and create your revision.
Now, when it comes to your concerns on task response, coherence, cohesion, etc., I must say, you have quiet an argument here. The prompt was addressed properly and you manage to illustrate the reasons you think is the cause of this matter and the solutions on how to deal with the situation.
Indeed, the technology has gone far and wide in influencing our daily lives, the younger the generation, the bigger the effect. The good thing, however, as human beings, as they say, the power in in our hands, this is true not only in technology but to everything we do, we have to make sure that we have full control, otherwise it will have a really devastating effect not only to the main person but may have a domino effect. Overall, your essay is fairly written and I hope to read more of your essays soon.
