What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity? IELTS

Question:
Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity?

Essay:
Today, there is an increase of criminal activity every year. This problem might be caused by poverty and family factors. To decrease this rise, government need to implement appropriate measures such as give assertive sentences for criminal and prevent the crime activity which caused by poverty with serious actions in provide wellness for its people. Teachers have to be responsible for nurture the children with affection and care therefore they will avoid to commit crime which caused by lack of adult's attentions.

Without a doubt, the major cause of crime is poverty. Today, the number of poor people increase dramatically. To exemplify, Indonesia experienced massive inflation in 1998. At that time, the money's value decreased and the good prices witnessed rocketed. It was followed by the rise of poverty. As result, people tended to commit crime as the instant way to fulfill their vital needs. The second factor that trigger crime activity is family condition. In this busy world, most of the parent abandon their children. Pupils become lack of love and attention. The young teenager then try to attract their parent interest by commit juvenile crime.

Solutions to solve this difficult situation which need to be applied are firm law enforcement. Government need to be impartial in punishing criminal. Also, every law enforcer who receive gratification in order to lighten the criminal's sentence have to be prosecute. Provide people wellness need to be taken into account because when people have a good quality life they will not think to commit crime as their way to obtain welfare. Government could start from fulfill people's basic necessities such as food, health and education.

In the other hand, school have a vital role in the effort to prevent crime. Children who experience bad treatment from their parent more likely to commit crime. Teachers need to be more sensitive about that issue. They need to provide emotional education which is needed by children. With this action, teachers help avoid scholar to commit crime.

In conclusion, it is clear that the annual increase of crime activity can only be solved by the collective measures from every parts of the community. For this reasons I would suggest that every human being need to be realize all of the dire consequences of crime therefore we will prevent our self from the temptation to commit crime.

Risky, this is a grammatically flawed but well thought out and discussed essay. Therefore, you can expect to receive a good grade should this have been the actual IELTS test. You have a clear sense of logic and you presented a very thorough understanding of the prompt. The only flaw that your essay has is the fact that when you discussed the ways that crime can be prevented, you discussed the government responsibility and the educator's responsibility, but failed to discuss the fact that in order to prevent a child from becoming a criminal, the parents must play the biggest role in preventing juvenile crimes, which lead to adult criminal activities.

Rather than asking the teacher to prevent the criminal development of the child, you should have first discussed the responsibility of the parent when it comes to preventing their child from developing into a criminal. You should have spoken of how juveniles turn to crime as a cry for help or attention from his parents. Then explained how parents can help a child or juvenile steer clear of a criminal life. Remember, the existence of crime or criminals cannot be blamed solely on the government or education. There is a social aspect to the development that starts within the family.

So this essay could have been made even better incurred a higher grade had the discussion been more thorough by showing the complex relationship of the family, educators, police, and government in the development and prevention of criminal development among the youth. Those are the factors to consider where criminal issues are concerned.