Hi
Need help in my essay.
Thanks for any feedback and comments
If you are given a chance to travel in a place you've never been before, which place would you like to visit? Give vivid picture of the place, why you want to visit it and the benefits you will obtain from it.
There is a saying that goes like this "Travel and See" and when you travel you will discover a different perspective of the world that you had never experienced. At the age of 12, I vividly recalled displaying a globe in my room. I was captivated with the beauty of Asia from my history class. It inspires me to mark my globe, highligthing the conitnet I aspire to visit, Asia. Given an opportunity, I will first visit Singapore, a gateway for travellers like me to take a sneak peak of Asian wonders. This small urban yet dynamic city was designed strategically to visit other Asian countries. It has astonishing attractions and is a multicultural city where "East meets West".
Traveller's Magazine, 2007 showcased Singapore as a strategic place to visit Indonesia, Malaysia, China, Philippines, and other Asian countries. This city is well adorned by visitors because public transportation is affordable and accessible. It only takes a day or two to vast in the beauty of Singapore. On your 3rd day, you can hop in a bus and visit Petronas Twin Tower in Malaysia and come back to your hotel to catch up with Singapore's Night Safari. Wake up on your 4th day and get ready to hop in a ferry on your way to Genting Highlands in Indonesia. If I still have enough budget, I will book a flight to Beijing, China to see a renowned wonder of the world, the Great Walls. And include Shezhen, China to climb up the Forbidden City and reach the top of Temple of Heaven. It's also a freeing experience to visit Philippines where there are tropical rainforest and underwater reefs that will relax my tired muscle. China and Philippines are both aa few hours flight away from Singapore.
Besides the city's strategic location, Singapore has lots of astonishing attractions. The Merlion which was famous not only for its beauty but also of its history. Its fascinating to learn how Singapore originated and why we call it the "Lion City". Another famous city's attraction is Sentosa Park, Disneyland's counterpart. As a child, I enjoyed visiting Disneyland every summer. So why not ride a train and visit Sentosa Park located at the Southern most part of Singapore. This small park has a lot to offer from Dolphins, Underwater creatures, cable rides and a magical night shows that will captivate everyone's heart. And dig in another train ride to watch the colorful birds at Jurong Park. And lastly, spend a relaxing dinner at Esplanade with free musical bands and a taste of Singapore's hawker food. My bestfriend, Lanie shared her memorable photos of her summer trip to this Lion City. She was awed how cost and time efficient it was to see a lot of places in her week journey. She also learned so much from different cultures in Singapore. A city similar to California, a multicultural place where you meet nice and friendly people.
I always loved the story East meets West. A story that depicts magnificient result of mixing different cultures. My great grandparents has great influence in my fascination in learning diverse culture. I was brought up adapting different cultures since my grandmother has a Chinese ancestry while my grandfather has a Korean ancestry. Moreso, my dad is an American while my mom grew up in leaving in different parts of Asia. Singapore held a special place in my parent's heart, a place where they first met each other. I have heard lots of stories from them about how warm and cozy Asians are. Learning from their culture and traditions is a unique experience.
If there is one word to describe Asia, I would say spectacular. Someday, I will visit this place and see for myself how magnificient it is. To see is to believe as the saying goes. Starting with Singapore as a gateway for Asian countries. Enjoy its astonishing attractions and diverge in different culture as East meets West.
This essay is contrived and chock full of errors. Coupled, they make good disincentive to pass on giving advice. If the latter wasn't true, I might indulge in bashing your quasi-reptilian underpinnings AND your unhealthy aptitude thereof to almost pass it on, falling just short in what is a sure exception.
Hi Elaine,
Good essay. you have given a vivid picture of the place. But i don't see a detailed answer for why you want to see place and the benefits you get from this visit.you can include why in the 3rd paragraph and benefits in the fourth paragraph. I see a repetition of east meets west several times.
Nandini.
quasi-reptilian underpinnings? Mustafa, couple your criticisms with solutions! Don't be one of those people that points out lots of problems without offering solutions.
I'll break this first part into 2 sentences so that it is easy to see that the second part is not part of the quote:
There is a saying that goes like this "Travel and See." When you travel you will discover a different perspective of the world that you had never experienced. In this spirit, I displayed a globe in my room when I was twelve years old.
I added "in this spirit," so that the reader would be carried along the same line of thinking.
At the beginning I had to separate one long sentence into 2, but at the end I need to put two sentences together as one:
Starting with Singapore as a gateway for Asian countries, I will enjoy its astonishing attractions and diverge in different diverse culture as a place where East meets West.
