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CBEST - Technology to modern life is advantageous.



okdeerpass 5 / 12  
May 29, 2014   #1
Hi everyone,

Continue my essay-writing practice and wish you give comments. Please help me to check my punctuation, including the comma, semicolon, colon, and dash. Thank you!

Topic:
Technology is very much a part of modern life. Many people see technology as a force that has escaped from human control. Others feel that technology has improved the quality of life. Do you think that the contribution technology has made to modern life has been positive or negative? State your position on this issue and support it with appropriate examples.


To modern people, technology cannot be easily separated from daily life. With more and more progresses of technology, I think people rely on technology because they have deemed it as a significant tool and positive impact to our modern life. There are three main reasons I believe technology has a good influence on people: decreasing accidents, saving natural resources, and improving people's health.

Primarily, modern people can effectively reduce accidents through technological innovations. For example, before smoke detector was invented, people could not exactly know where was on fire at the first time. Then, many tragedies happened. Since smoke detector has come out, it can warn people the smoke and automatically sprays water. Thanks to the technological device, people's life and property have more protection.

The second reason is saving natural resources. Take the innovation of e-book for instance. Although quite a few people likes to touch real papers, they cannot deny every year the industry of book-publishing has consumed a large amount of woods. And many scientists have proposed that one of solutions to green-house issue is preventing forests from decreasing. So, the advent of e-book makes modern people change their traditional reading habit: it allows people to turn virtual pages by tapping the screen and enables to read several books on an electronic device without carrying heavy weights. Obviously, publishers are more likely to present books or magazines through e-book instead of real papers. Due to less needs of printing books, woods can be saved for our future generations.

Lastly, people's health gets improvements because of technology applications. As we know, many technological innovations have been used on researching mental or physical diseases. For example, pregnant women must do many checks during their three trimesters. Doctors use ultrasound facility to check baby's situation and attain useful information to decide if there is any disease, such as Down's syndrome. Consequently, if there was no technology assisting doctors to check patients' bodies, people may struggle with unknown health problems.

Regarding to above reasons, I have the belief that technology to modern life is advantageous. My belief is based on the effect of technology that it can provide lower rate of accidents, protection of natural resources, and raise people's health progresses.

christy6789 1 / 5  
May 30, 2014   #2
You put your points across and backed it up with instances which is great...But some changes should be made...
Instead of 'with more and more progresses" , it will be "with the rapid evolution of technology, people rely on it because they have deemed it as a significant tool that will bring about positive impact to our modern life.

Also on the last paragraph, since this seems like a persuasive essay, you have to sound confident and make your readers believe your argument.
So on the last paragraph, Instead of 'I have the believe', it should be 'I believe'...Goodluck!


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