Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 5

IELTS - Celebrities & Their Influences


icebeating 3 / 8 1  
Jun 27, 2014   #1
Topic: Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements and this sets a bad example for young people.
To what extent to you agree or disagree with this statement?


Some people argue that adolescents are being influenced badly by untalented people who become famous thanks to their luxurious lifestyle and wealth. To some extent, I do not agree with this statement.

First of all, it is true that people use their money to become an inspiration are definitely not a good mirror for young people. We definitely do not want our children to spend money on luxurious custom or lifestyle just to be similar to someone, especially when these people are not symbols of any talent but showing off. However, the young generation these days is very conscious toward positive lifestyles. They are mostly being educated at very early ages by family or schools as to distinguish what is benefit for them. Therefore, it is not easy to influence young people these days when they are well equipped of life skills.

Moreover, it seems to me that not many people can exist in the celebrities' world without any talents or achievements. We are giving chances to many teenagers to show their intelligence in different talent shows, for example; The Voice, X Factor or Next Top Models etc. As a result, to become a star and an inspiration for people, a person need to have real talent to compete with other candidates. Thus, only money and glamour look are not enough for a person to be recognized anymore, it is importance that they have to have achievements in order to be a muse to youngsters.

In conclusion, people without talents cannot be famous in this changing world and to be accredited they need to contribute positively to young generation. That is the reason why celebrities nowadays give more good influence on young people than they were previously.

eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Jun 27, 2014   #2
it is true that people use their money to become

It is not people in general, but celebrities. Stay focus on the topic.

for example;

giving an example should be longer that the one you show above. To help you write a good example, always have these questions: who/ how many/ when/ what/ how/ result

only money and glamour look are not enough for a person to be recognized anymore, it is importance

There are two main sentences running together. This is bad grammar

a person need

A subject-verb agreement

the young generation these days is very conscious toward positive lifestyles.

Well, I feel this is off-topic
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Jul 20, 2014   #3
Some people argue that adolescentsyoung people are being influenced badly by untalented people celebrities who have become famous thanks to their luxurious lifestyle andvanity, extravagant lifestyle and wealth. To some extentHowever, I do not agree with this statement.view for some reasons.
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Jul 20, 2014   #4
First of all, it is true that people use their money to become an inspirationfamous are definitely not a good mirrorrole models for young people.

In conclusion, people without talents cannot be famous in this changingmodern dynamic world and to be accreditedbecome role models they need to contribute positively to young generation.

You seem to be having very good vocabulary and grammar :)
kevin1983 5 / 8  
Jul 20, 2014   #5
As a result, to become a star and an inspiration for people, a person need to have real talent to compete with other candidates. Thus, only money and glamour look are not enough for a person to be recognized anymore, it is importanceImportant that they have to have get achievements in order to be a muse to youngsters.

Your Vocabulary and grammar are awesome!


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS - Celebrities & Their Influences