Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 3


Celebrities get invited to international aid events.



Jaggi7921 13 / 19  
Jun 8, 2015   #1
Topic-sometimes celebrities get invited to international aid events.Do you think such events deviate from their main purpose by inviting famous people?

Collecting money through big star studded charity show is always cosidered a effictive technique.There is a both sides of this,sometimes this method is beneficial but in some cases this deviate the main purpose of aid projects.In this essay I will outline the both arguments-its benefits and also drawbacks.

The most common advantage of this,celebs have used their fame to draw public attention to a range of humantarian and philanthropic activities.Take the Pulse Polio example of India,where a famous star Amitabh Bachan plays a crucial role to promote as well as to save the child's from acute diseases.As a result,their fans now come forward on highways and give the drops to all the children by stopping the vehicles.

In addition,not only numbers of people increase but also charity fun reached at the climax.An obvious example of this,Taylor Swift,the immensly popluar sonstress from the USA,has donated the profits from their charity concert in 2014 to Asian public school.What is more,as funds and numbers of human's escalate,then automatically event acheives higher amount of things from public for example,Blood donation camp,where event organiser collect a large amount of blood with the assistance of philothropies.

On the other hande,some celebrity takes the helps of this ais project for their pwn purpose even though the main goal of such events to emphasize addresing an issues directly related to helping people out with unpleasant situations.For example,Bob Geldof's live aid and live 8 campain,which promote their own brand with the name of charity.

To conclude,i would like to say that involving celebrities in such events would certainly have postive effects.But in some events it go worse.

Eric2750230 7 / 10  
Jun 8, 2015   #2
"In this essay I will outline the both arguments-its benefits and also drawbacks". You should avoid personal opinions in your essay avoid using words such as I, you, he etc.

"To conclude,i would like to say that involving celebrities in such events would certainly have postive effects.But in some events it go worse." Your conclusion seems to be incomplete and there are some spelling mistakes.

A lot of spelling and grammar mistakes are there that needs to be corrected.
does not contain enough vocabulary.
The essay does not flow from top to bottom when reading.
Trias 23 / 27  
Jun 9, 2015   #3
Hi @Jaggi7921, kindly find my feedback below:

Collecting money through big star studded charity showevents is always con sidered to be aneffictiveeffectivetechniquemethod to raise the awareness among society .

Pay attention to your spelling and sentence structure. Moreover, you are expected to paraphrase the topic in the first paragraph. Here is my suggestion:
Movie stars or musicians are occasionally involved in some charity events so as to draw public attention.

Try to type your essay using word processor first to prevent spelling and punctuation errors such as the following:

Taylor Swift,the immensly popluar sonstress from the USA

Suggestion:
Taylor Swift, the immensely popular songstress from the USA

Good luck!


Home / Writing Feedback / Celebrities get invited to international aid events.
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳