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Writing Task 2 - Celebrities in News - Agree/Disagree



ibe13 36 / 38  
Oct 26, 2016   #1
The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singers or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Up to the present time, most of media prefer preaching well-known people such as actors and sports players. Although some people argue media should pay more attention to report common people, I am more likely to against this notion because celebrities are more interesting than are ordinary people.

There is no doubt the news about celebrities entertains more than people in common. It is because the famous has a unique sense which makes watchers more comfortable. Taking an example, Rafii Ahmad, one of the famous presenters in Indonesia, has more views compared to others. Most of television channels in Indonesia broadcasted his daily activities. As a result, over 3 million viewers watch this every single cast, according to survey. In short, owing to more entertainment, well-known persons should be reported.

In addition, another main reason why media has to prefer reporting celebrities is the famous such as footballers can be a role model for followers to be success as well. It is because media can facilitate celebrity-lovers to be as what they want. For instance, a football-lover has to watch more superstars in football. Thus, he or she can easily imitate how footballers practice more and how to be a successful player. Admittedly, people can be influenced by well-known individuals owing to media.

To sum up, compared to reporting the lives of ordinary persons, the news of how to actors, singers, and sports players live and be success is far more fascinating to be known. However I suggest that people should also consider which one is good for them.

(259 words)

Wolf Larsen - / 109  
Oct 26, 2016   #2
Hello

There are a few stylistic mishaps in your text. It will sound much better if you apply the following adjustments to it:

Up to the present time [...] Nowadays...
media prefer preaching [...] tend to praise...
report [...] no need for this word.
I am more likely to against this notion [...] I do not quite agree...
entertains more than people in common [...] this part doesn't make much sense.
It is because [...] The reason for this is that...
has [...] have...
a unique sense [...] sense of what?
Most of television...
owing to more entertainment, [...]to the considerations of enterntainment...
another main reason...
media has toshould prefer...
is thatfamous individuals can be role models...
It is because [...] it's better to remove this sentence... it's redundant and poorly constructed.

The rest seems Ok more or less. I hope this will help. Regards.


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