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Some of the celebrities are younger than others, and believe this is a positive development

Jimmy879873 26 / 55 13  
Jul 14, 2018   #1

Some people become famous at young age.

Is it good thing or bad thing?

Some of the celebrities are younger than others. I believe this statement can view as a positive development. I will elaborate with reasons below.

The popularity enriches with valuable life experiences to those famous young people. Usually, similar schedules are fixed in most of the teens, such as completing assignments or preparing exams. So they cannot experience a life other than studying in their youth. Being popular as teenagers allow them to live a different lifestyle, with loyal fans and wealth. These changes will soon become an important part of the life lesson to them.

Moreover, the young generations' voices are powerful. Take Emma Watson for instance, a famous british actress who is also an advocate of gender equality. Her speeches on the stage influence many people point of views towards women and the LGBT community. It is because of her young age with such knowledgeable thinkings that impresses the audience.

Last but not least, the fame provokes the famous youth to ruminate their past so they will show more gratitude to one another. Whenever they start reflecting on their lives, they are likely to compare the present and the past. Presumably, they will understand being famous is challenging. As a result, they will appreciate what they have and be good to others.

To recapitulate, people who are famous at their young age gain extraordinary experiences in their lives. Their words are also influential to the people. And the popularity renders them to be more thankful.

I took your advice and used it in practice. Hopefully, this essay is better.

kmc 2 / 3 2  
Jul 15, 2018   #2
Grammatical mistakes:

can be viewed
So they cannot -> Do not start a sentence with "so"
It is because of her... (delete)
cao1km 8 / 16 5  
Jul 15, 2018   #3
Some of the celebrities are younger than others. -> I think this statement is always true. In my opinion, "be younger" does not mean "at young age". People at the age of 30 are younger than 40-year-old people.

I am wondering about the word "development", is that a development?

"as teenagers allows them"

"young generations' voices are powerful". --> I really love this point of view. How meaningful it is! Do you think that "more powerful" is better?. And I think "Voices" should be used in singular form.

"To recapitulate...", I think you should mention once again, that this fact is not a bad thing.
Holt [Contributor] - / 9,025 2715  
Jul 15, 2018   #4
SG, there is a problem in your representation of the prompt statement. "Younger than others" implies that you are discussing about an age difference in the essay. That is not the case. You are merely referring to young people in general. Then, you did not really offer a clear idea of what your reason for your opinion is, which left the direct question essay, that should have a direct response, pointless. Here's a sample thesis statement for this essay with a more appropriate response:

There are some celebrities who become popular during their adolescence. I believe that this is something that can be viewed in a positive manner. Popularity at an early age can result in a more enlightened adult. The reasons behind this are lessons learned from mistakes in life and a growing voice of influence as they experience a different life from other people of a similar age.

The life experiences...

These experiences help the youth to develop a more influential and powerful voice...

Emma Watson is a good example however, you failed to illustrate how her voice helps her cause in the industry or helps to influence other youth.

Your concluding summary is not complete. You forgot to restate your response to the direct question as the closing sentence of this paragraph. Mistakes aside, you have shown a tremendous improvement in your work with this essay.
OP Jimmy879873 26 / 55 13  
Jul 16, 2018   #5
Thank you all for spending time on my essay! I did not see these problems when I was revising, now I do. I will put all these pieces of advice into work. Have a good day!

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