Cement and concrete processes - both use rotating force to make the cement and mixing the concrete

The diagrams show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams inform how the cement is produced with the tools explained, and the production process to make the concrete for building materials. It can be seen that both of processes use rotating force to make the cement and mixing the concrete.

The equipment of cement production consists of the crusher, mixer, rotating, heat producer, grinder and bags. The process starts when limestone and clay as the raw material are crushed by the crusher to be powder. The powder is gone to the mixer and rotated in the rotating heater along with heat that created by the heat source. After that, the material that had been processed in the heater is grinded in the grinder. Finally, the cement is created and ready to be packed with bags.

For the production of concrete, less than a fifth of cement, a quarter of sand, and a half of small stones are used to make the concrete. One in ten water is used as well. Then after all of the material is placed in the concrete mixer, the material is rotated by the mixer to create the mixed concrete.

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Ivan, your essay is informative and uses the information from the diagram accurately. However, the essay suffers from a number of problems that could affect the overall grade. For example, your opening summary is not sufficient in terms of the number of sentences used to narrate the overview. Please note that such opening remarks must contain a minimum of 3 lines, maximum of 5. Owing to the brief summary you have presented, the examiner will assume that your notes are incomplete and doesn't accurately represent the diagrams presented. The same problem exists in your final paragraph where, you only present two sentences as well. Those are the main areas of concern in your current essay that you must take note of and address during the development of your next practice test.

Hi Mr. Ivan
Overall, your writing is free of major grammar mistakes. However, let me finalize your writing. Please, review my notes

... cement is produced with the tools EQUIPMENT (you should find the meaning of a word in a dictionary before you use it. There is an example where and when the word is used) explained, and the ...


I am gonna give the alternative overview to enhance your score.
Overall, it can be seen obviously that there are four main steps passed in the process of producing the cement before it is harnessed. Meanwhile, the process of making concrete needs one step solely, but this is supposed to mix four sources.

..., heat producer, AND grinder and bags .
The powder is gone BEAR to the mixer (...) along with heat that created by the heat source.

in A tenTH water is used as well.
... of the material is ARE placed in...