Please revise my essay. I really need feedback to improve my writing skill
I think my essay is not logically written, but i would like to prepare for the exam next month
Help me!
The question is that
The 21st century has begun. What changes do you think the new century will bring? Use examples and details in your answer.
In my view, there are a great variety of changes in the 21st century. They are mostly concerned with technologies adopted by military, agriculture and education. Considering these three factors, the world will become more different and fashionable than that which occurs in the past.
To begin with, many modern weapons are produced to protect people from threats by neighboring countries. In the past, when a war occurred, people had to immediately seek shelter or migrated to other places and left things burned down by enemies. However, with modern weapons such as a radar station, people have enough time to pack belongings ready to temporary settle down in other areas.
What 's more, many advanced technologies are brought in to do people a good favor. In the past, people had to use animals to do agricultural works in a paddy field, which is time-consuming. However, with modern vehicles such as an electric harvester, people are confident about their gathering crops in a prompt and effective way.
More important, a great number of computer-based technologies are used in a university to facilitate learning and teaching. Many days ago, students had trouble looking for materials. They had to go to a school for searching for their wanted textbooks. With new technologies such as internet, students find it easy to read materials by sitting on front of the screen and click on websites containing useful knowledge, which are more effective than the way to do it in the past.
In conclusion, we have experienced a lot of changes in the world's history. We have more effective weapons to maintain sovereignty of each country, create new approaches to speed up the agricultural products and make it easy for students who live in a remote area to study as do city residents.
I think my essay is not logically written, but i would like to prepare for the exam next month
Help me!
The question is that
The 21st century has begun. What changes do you think the new century will bring? Use examples and details in your answer.
In my view, there are a great variety of changes in the 21st century. They are mostly concerned with technologies adopted by military, agriculture and education. Considering these three factors, the world will become more different and fashionable than that which occurs in the past.
To begin with, many modern weapons are produced to protect people from threats by neighboring countries. In the past, when a war occurred, people had to immediately seek shelter or migrated to other places and left things burned down by enemies. However, with modern weapons such as a radar station, people have enough time to pack belongings ready to temporary settle down in other areas.
What 's more, many advanced technologies are brought in to do people a good favor. In the past, people had to use animals to do agricultural works in a paddy field, which is time-consuming. However, with modern vehicles such as an electric harvester, people are confident about their gathering crops in a prompt and effective way.
More important, a great number of computer-based technologies are used in a university to facilitate learning and teaching. Many days ago, students had trouble looking for materials. They had to go to a school for searching for their wanted textbooks. With new technologies such as internet, students find it easy to read materials by sitting on front of the screen and click on websites containing useful knowledge, which are more effective than the way to do it in the past.
In conclusion, we have experienced a lot of changes in the world's history. We have more effective weapons to maintain sovereignty of each country, create new approaches to speed up the agricultural products and make it easy for students who live in a remote area to study as do city residents.
