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IELTS: CHALLENGE - some people are attracted to dangerous sports/ activities


ernhy 17 / 28  
Apr 1, 2014   #1
Hello friends..
I am newcomer in IELTS. Could you read my essay and give me some feedback, please?
Thank's before.. :)

Why do you think some people are attracted to dangerous sport or other dangerous activities? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Some people interesting to do something new that different from before, as well as in the sport or other activities. In other side, people scared. But, some people still want to do dangerous sport or dangerous activities with several reasons.

First, they want to get satisfied. As we know people never feel enough, if they just do the same activities everyday. They try to make a new activity or combination activities to make them satisfied. For example, people who work everyday go to the office use motorcycle. One day, they felt bored and try to use bicycle or car.

Secondly, they want to get a new challenge. People never grown if they scared to take a challenge because a big challenge from people is their selves. Actually, people can do anything that they want. Such as, you want to climb mountain. You never do it before but you make yourselves to be brave carry out for climb it.

In conclusion, some people believe that new activities can improve their capability. There are reasons why people want to do dangerous sport or dangerous activities, they want to get satisfied and they want to get a new challenge. Some people never feel enough, so they will take a challenge.
fikri 5 / 317 71  
Apr 1, 2014   #2
this is the introduction that I've got from my teacher here,I've used it for along time and the result shows better than the shorter one. so that, I suggest you to follow this pattern, hope it will work with you

case/issue = use what,who,where,when,why, and how to help you construct the issue
your position/opinion = agree/disagree, advantage/disadvantage, your opinion, your idea, etc
thesis statement =this essay would examine . . ..
this essay would discuss . . . .
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Apr 1, 2014   #3
Some people interesting to do something new that different from before, as well as in the sport or other activities.

Wrong grammar :(
Some people are interested in doing things that are more adventurous and sometimes such activities can even be dangerous.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Apr 26, 2014   #4
A writer needs to keep in mind that the intro is often what a reader remembers best. Your intro should be the best part of your essay. If you could, state your own opinion in the introduction itself with a statement expressing your opinion very clearly. That helps you take the reader in your desired direction.
tiaDS 73 / 235 52  
Apr 28, 2014   #5
Some people interesting to do something new that different from before, as well as in the sport or other activities. In other side, people scared. But, some people still want to do dangerous sport or dangerous activities with several reasons.

My teacher said that introduction is a part to catch reader attention. So, making the good introduction is must. Commonly, introduction contains the general information of the case in the prompt. There are many ways to make the introduction;

1. Following dumi's pattern for introduction
2. Paraphrasing the prompt to be two sentences, (ielts-simon)


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