cities reflect the characteristics of society
The author maintains that the paramount characteristics of the society can be understood by studying its major cities. It is, however, unfair to generalize, only, cities reflects the mirage of society. Moreover, other parts of the country also needed to be studied to get the complete information of, traits of society, as a whole.
In today's fast paced and competitive world, cities play an important role to the countries social, economic and political facets of the country. Apparently, cities are the political and financial hub of the country. International relations and foreign policies are established here. Also, most of the major governmental bodies enact, discusses major decisions, and implement it smoothly for welfare of the country in cities. Likewise, financial budget-for the proper operation and development works of the country-is appropriated in capitals. But regardless of these facts, rapid urbanization and industrialization, in major cities, in competition for being best, cities have lost true essence of the society.
Surely, one of the indispensable characteristics of society is culture and language, which reflects identity, beliefs, traditions, and behaviour encompassed by the people dwelling on society. Even when, major cities represent a part of cultural diversity and variations of language that represents society, studying of these aspects in cities only, one will not obtain outright information. For instance, Kathmandu, the capital city of Nepal, is one of the major cities. Although, the people inhabiting here represents few of the diversified cultural aspects and general language, one cannot infer that cultural diversity of society is mirror of Kathmandu only, as whole. There are various numbers of cultures and varieties of languages prevailing at different rural and sub-urban areas.
By the same token, education, literacy rates, employment opportunity, occupation, living lifestyle, music, art and many more, are the necessities to understand the characteristics as a whole. These characteristics, in both major cities and rural areas, should be studied in order to get the birds view of the society. To exemplify this let us consider the example of India. Being the capital and one of the major cities of India, it affords better education than Chennai, a comparatively rural state. Undoubtedly, it offers plethora of employment opportunity and lifestyle here is far more sophisticated. Likewise, different forms of art also vary from cities to urban areas based upon the beliefs and traditions.
In conclusion, it is true that major cities reflects the characteristics of society in political and economic aspects; however, in order to study important traits of the society as a whole, one must embrace other various factors that is not reflected by the major cities alone.
Manish, I believe you have written an essay that could fall within the baseline score of 4. I have come to this conclusion based on several scoring factors. Please allow me to explain my reasons below:
You managed to present a clear idea regarding the statement that was given. Next time, please clarify that this was a statement provided and not a quote from a publication. There is no author for this statement as it is directed as a question of a general nature, not as part of a research paper or article you are being assigned to analyze and respond to.
Your ideas as somewhat confusing to read for a native English speaker due to the confusing nature of your sentence presentation at times. You also need to create more effective transition sentences at the end of each paragraph to help prepare the reader for the change in your discussion topic or the nature of discussion. I often found myself surprised by the abrupt change of discussion from one paragraph to the next. Transition sentences can help lessen the shock and prepare the reader for the next topic.
The supporting points help the essay but could have a better worded presentation that is based on more appropriate vocabulary use and tense presentation. There are several grammar issues related to English fluency in this essay which can be avoided if you concentrate on using proper sentence presentations from the very start. My main concern is how you constantly turn to the use of long-sentences, commonly referred to as run-on sentences to explain yourself. It is the length of the sentence that creates the confusion and difficulty in following your discussion presentations. Keep the sentences short. Use only English words you are sure of the meaning of. Finally, avoid trying to connect 2 discussion points in one sentence to keep the presentations clear and focused.
I would have been able to present more of a review of this writing had you provided the complete prompt for it in the posting. Please remember to do that next time so you can receive a more in-depth review of your work from me.