The Chart and information about global population, where China is the most densely populated state

The Chart below gives information about global population percentages and distribution of wealth by region.

The global population and wealth distribution by region in several continents are illustrated in the bar graph. It is noticeable that the population has the highest percentage as opposed to global wealth, except for North America, Europe and Rich Asia-Pacific.

We can see in the chart that China is the most densely populated state throughout regions with percentage at nearly 25%. The second biggest population are India and the other Asia-Pacific, in which possess similar percentage at roughly seventeen percent. On the other hand, Africa has sparse population in compared to other continents at approximately 2%.

It is also clear that the largest global wealth of all regions is North America at nearly 35%, and then it followed by Europe at thirty percent respectively. Moreover, China and the other Asia-Pacific have same distribution of wealth at around 4%. In contrary, India has the least global wealth among other countries at just below three percent.

Ainrere, the things that you need to decrease despite grammatical and punctuation errors below are perhaps your repetitiveness and the use of same patterns. You accidentally wrote identical opening patterns, such as 'It is noticeable that', 'We can see', and 'It is also clear that'. These made the reader / examiner confused about which one is the general trend or the overview of the essay.

- ...in the bar graphchart.
- Overall,Itit is noticeable that, the population...
- WeIt can beseeseen in the chart that, .....
- and the other Asia-Pacific countries
- which possess similar percentageproportion , at roughly seventeen percent
- ...population in compared to other continents, at approximately 2%.
- It is also clear that, the largest global wealth...
- and then it is followed by Europe at thirty percent..
- China and the other Asia-Pacific countries ...
- ...have the same / identical distribution...
- InOn the contrary / In contrast ,...

Good luck for the next one :)

Hi Rere, I believe you miss to include the graph in this analysis. Posting the graph and any other representation will definitely help us assess your analysis.

For future reference, make sure that the representation is posted

- byin the regions fromin

- throughout the regions
- with the percentage at nearly 25%.
- other Asia-Pacific Pacific region ,
- inof which possess
- in comparedcomparison to other

- of all the regions is
- and then it followed by Europe
- have the same distribution

There you have it Rere, I hope the above corrections are useful for your revision. The remarks are almost similar to your previous analysis and I hope you follow through with the corrections.Keep writing.

thank you contributors for the corrections :)

anyway ivy, in the second paragraph why you use "of which" ?

Hi Rere, thank you for appreciating our work here on EF.

To answer your question, "of which " is a more appropriate to the sentence and it absolutely depicts the ideas that you are trying to convey in your essay.

Moreover, Rere, you have to practice and focus more on the construction of the essay, the better you get at constructing sentences, the better are the essays you are able to create. Furthermore, you will be able to see your progress, saving your drafts will greatly help, so it's best to keep it.

I hope to review and read more of your essay, read a lot and practice as much as you can. Remember, should you need any help, regardless of the form of your writing, do let us know and we will be here for you and we will assist you with anything you need to.