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The chart shows vast difference in the level of skilled vocational diploma



pranesh 1 / 1  
Jul 17, 2014   #1
The given chart illustrates the ratio of men and women who held the different sorts of post-school certificates in Australia in 1999.

Firstly, there were a vast difference in the level of skilled vocational diploma that females held only 10% qualifications while males had 90% documents. however, the ratio of men and women were almost equal in bachelors degree which 51% and 52% respectively.

Secondly, females enjoyed better passed percentage than males in the undergraduate diploma .In this section females prevailed 72 % whereas boys only peak at 38%.Additionaly, the figure of females in undergraduate diploma were the highest among other levels in Australia in 1999. Moreover, the levels of women were dramatically declined to 32% but the men had registered 70% in the postgraduate diploma.Followed by the master degree where males slightly dominent over females by 60% and 40% repectively.

In conclusion, females had dominent over men in the undergraduate diploma whereas males held more certificates than females in the postgraduate diploma.[/b]

TranAnh 3 / 6  
Jul 18, 2014   #2
There is no picture for the graph, so it is difficult to give advices...

and you should never use "In conclusion" in writing task 1... it seems to be not suitable. "Overall" or " As can be seen from the graph" would be better.

anyways, writing task 1 essay needs at least 150 words , while your essay has only 141 words.

Hope you find the comments useful :)
TranAnh 3 / 6  
Jul 18, 2014   #3
oh so sorry that i've made a mistake about the number of words in your essay... it is 163 words, not 141 :)

i checked some...

Firstly, there was a vast difference in the level of skilled...

In this section females prevailed 72 % whereas boys only peak[/i] at 38%... "peak" means "at the top", but the rate of undergraduate diploma is only 38%, which is smaller than the figure for bachelors ( of course with the boys )

where males slightly [i]dominant
OP pranesh 1 / 1  
Jul 20, 2014   #4
here's the graph


  • ima.jpg


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