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Childcare training course for parents. Agree or Disagree?

Arun0506 27 / 120 34  
Jan 28, 2013   #1
Childcare training course for parents can be the best way to update them to bring up their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with it?

Children are the pillars of this brick and mortar society. Certainly, it is highly important to nurture the future generation in a better way. Some people find it hard to shape up their children, so they feel that parental education is the suitable possible solution for this issue. However others are not willing to accept this fact.

There are many reasons behind parent's lack of knowledge towards child care in the present age. There was a time when ladies merely taking care of their children alone, rather than going for work.

Mostly people were living under traditional way of extended family life style, whereas today people are much more isolated due to various circumstances. In addition, lack of mind set to gain clear perspective about family life and its bonding relationships.

Above said things are more common today and also the cause of the difficulties encounter by people in bringing up their children. Being a father of one year old baby boy and also belong to this modern age society, to be honest, it is highly impossible to change the mind-set of the of people and their way of living. Hence, the only possible solution is to accept the childcare training courses for parents.

Undoubtedly, there are much more benefits which everyone can obtain by taking parental courses. First of all, it helps parents to identify themselves about their innocents towards parenting. Secondly, it educates every parent to equip their children in a better manner. As a result of all these benefits, people can enjoy self-satisfaction by admiring at their children's proper growth and wellness.

As a whole, I would say, the objective is to lay better foundation for children's future right from the beginning. There is no matter about the way, how parents acquire knowledge to light up their children adequately. It could be either by experience or through parental training. Parents should realize their responsibilities and act accordingly for the betterment of future young generation.
somysojan 8 / 19 8  
Jan 28, 2013   #2
your essay is good but in introduction you did not emphasize your own view whether you agree or not. more over try to make sentense simple. which allows readers to follow easily.. you tried to use some special vocabularies nicely in this essay.. try to explain topic sentences with relevent examples. best of luck..
Aliyev 3 / 7 2  
Jan 28, 2013   #3
Firts of all,is it an IELTS task 2 essay?
If yes,then you should combine first 3 paragraph in 1 because the thesis appears only in 3rd paragprah.You should develop your idea more widely in 4th paragraph and divide it into 2 paragraphs.

Since this is an IELTS essay you should write it academically. Do not use "I,we,you " use only 3rd person" For example: I believe that to be a good student you should study hard. Academically: It is believed that to be a good student one should study hard.

To conclude I would say that there are less mistakes than in previous essay.

Wish you all the best!
joythblessy 86 / 272 15  
Jan 28, 2013   #4
hai Arun,...

Welcome back...

Firstly follow the right structuure of agree disagree format..
introduction first sentance pillars of this bricks: this stands for what...):

You have some good points..
Try to organize well, (i am not an expert it organizing too)...):
OP Arun0506 27 / 120 34  
Jan 28, 2013   #5
Thanks for all your comments. will try to follow the standard format in my essay. Thanks again.
devabe2005 46 / 97  
Jan 28, 2013   #6
Children are the pillars of this brick and mortar society. --> i think mortar spelling mistake modern society
Children are the buttresses of our society.

mind-set of the of people -->mind-set of the people

In introduction you didn't mention agree or disagree. So in first paragraph you have to mention agree or disagree.
OP Arun0506 27 / 120 34  
Jan 29, 2013   #7
Thanks Dev

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