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Childhood experience which leave lifelong Impressions

Riti 1 / 3  
Jul 30, 2017   #1
Many childhood experiences leave lifelong impressions on people.Write an essay in which you describe a memorable childhood experience and explain its effect on your life.

Personal essay: Childhood experience which leave lifelong impressions

wonderful experiences

My childhood gave me many interesting memorable experiences.It gives me happiness , when I recall all those activities which I used to do with my father.Although,the most prominent experience, which positively altered my life ,was accidentally waking up early with my father when I was merely twelve years old.

Back in 1990,in one of the hot summer nights,I woke up with the noise of kitchen utensils.Actually, while all other family members were sleeping, as per his usual habit ,my dad was making tea for him at 4:00 am and accidentally he dropped a steel plate on the floor that made me awake.I get out of the bed to see my dad.He offered me the tea.I sat with him and enjoyed the tea ,as well as ,listening his funny jokes.Instead of going back to sleep,I finished my homework which I did not do last night.I really enjoyed spending time with dad and finishing my homework.Hence I requested dad to make tea for me every morning at the same time.

I started coming out of bed early and then I started studying and spending time with my dad.I get immense pleasure out of it.The most deep impact it put on my studying habits.In school,I started showing up

on time.My homework was up-to date everyday.Besides,I started doing some physical fitness exercises and yoga and meditation in my dad's company.This quality time ,spent every morning ,brought truly remarkable changes in my life later on too.

My morning custom of early awakening helped me to become a topper in my college and university.Moreover,I become keen in personal fitness and spreading the awareness to all my friends and they all started taking interest in their physical well being.In the morning tranquility,I loved doing meditation that made me physically and mentally sound.Eventually ,I stood powerful in all ups and downs, that life brought to me.Even on the day of my dad's death,I emotionally supported my family a lot and everybody was surprised that how wisely I was supporting my family members.

I express gratitude for my father who gave me this wonderful experience that turned out to be exceptionally helpful in making me the most successful person of the town.I preached it to others as well.I wish , everyone should learn to wake up early and I bet one's life will change for better.

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,796 2609  
Jul 30, 2017   #2
Riti, please review your essay for punctuation mistakes. There are many instances when you use comma's rather than periods your writing. This results in difficulty for the reader when it comes to the reading of your paragraphs. When you do not properly space out your sentences with periods, the reviewer will have a difficult time reading your paper and understanding your presentation. You need to create more comprehensive statements that better relate to one another as well. The way that you present the discussion does not create a smooth presentation. It comes across as rough because some of your paragraphs are only 2 sentences long. When paragraphs are that short, it does not clearly deliver a meaning to the reader. Develop transition sentences at the end of the paragraphs in order to better move the reader from one paragraph topic to the next. Your topic is good, the presentation, somewhat interesting. If you apply the corrections I am suggesting, the essay should be better developed for final presentation.
okorobiadimma14 6 / 82 50  
Jul 30, 2017   #3
Riti, another important step you should take in enhancing the readability of your essay is to introduce topic sentence in each paragraph. It would also help you to pen down your thought coordinately. Starting a paragraph with a topic sentence and then expanding the paragraph by elaborating the idea in the topic sentence would create coherence and make your write-up more interesting to the reader. It is important to note that whenever you conclude a sentence with a full stop, especially if you are drafting your essay with a computer, you must create a space after the period before the next word. Consider the excerpt below ''...not do last night.I really...'' ''...with dad and finishing my homework.Hence I requested...''. You were supposed to create a space between the 'full stop' and 'I' as well as 'Hence'. Note that a transition sentence is one that more or less connect the idea in a paragraph with that of the immediate next paragraph. Having this understanding will help in improving your writing skills.
OP Riti 1 / 3  
Jul 31, 2017   #4
Thank you tons Mary Rose, for your valuable input. I have submitted here, only the draft of my essay, to get a general input.To improve my standardized grammar mistakes, I will start using the Grammarly. Additionally, after your feedback, I realized that I need to create a smooth flow inside a paragraph as well as between the transition of two paragraphs. I will surely start working on these points. I hope I can improve as I have two weeks to go. I will submit another essay after working on my weaknesses. Thank you again.
OP Riti 1 / 3  
Jul 31, 2017   #5

Thank you indeed Okoye, for pointing out the errors in my essay. As per your great input, I will work on the weak areas so that I can improve in two weeks before my exam. I will keep posting essays so that I can improve with the help of your precious feedback. Once again, thank you.

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