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Children' better chance for development - in a rural place or in a big city?



SFTBNWH11 3 / 4  
Aug 7, 2017   #1
* It is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to develop your essay.

Essay:

small town or a metropolis for a child's good?



The countryside, in comparison to big cities, outlines some widely different characteristics, environmentally speaking as well as socially. And, taking into consideration the rather special atmosphere children need to live in a healthy way as well as assure their well-being, which place is better to live in remains a prominent question.

Personally, I do not fully agree to the fact that growing up in the countryside is more beneficial to children than living in a big city, mainly because each one of the two different places are devoid of particular opportunities for children.

Firstly, if living in a small village on a plain where green is a dime a dozen and fresh air is the well of immortality, provides infinite and everlasting jubilation, shortage of Wi-Fi, transit and easy access to information may be a source of worry and surely will fret you even with the healthiest of environments. Thus, it is, definitely, a nightmare to live disconnected from social life.

Secondly, for a child, a big city would give him multiple opportunities to learn new skills, discover their talents and embrace their career at an early age. He or she would also be allowed to have all sorts of medical and diet help to have a strong body at the age where they need sufficient nourishment to be developed.

In conclusion, although a sane, clean and fresh atmosphere is absolutely needed for a little child, the city might be giving him or her the chance to have a well-balanced life in the long term by bringing the whole world to the kid's hands to explore.

--> Please Correct my mistakes and feel free to give any advices as I am working on enhancing my English
P.S: I will be passing the TOEFL as of December.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15385  
Aug 7, 2017   #2
Majd, you have not properly formatted this essay to the required outline for a TOEFL test. The opening paragraph of a TOEFL test is used to first outline your topic and then create a logical discussion flow for the upcoming essay. Therefore, the 3-5 sentences in this section should restate the discussion topic, the method of discussion, and your clear thesis statement. Which means, you must already indicate at the end of the opening paragraph whether you agree or disagree with the statement. In this instance you separated your opinion by presenting a standalone run-on sentence. It should have instead, been incorporated into the ending sentence of the first paragraph. By the way, you are not being asked about the extent of your agreement or disagreement with the essay so to state that do not "fully" agree with the statement is misleading. That is a divergence from the prompt requirement and will change the slant of your discussion in the long term discussion.

One of the major requirements for essay writing is that the writer should be able to develop complete paragraphs These paragraphs are used to fully explain and present your line of reasoning, in a coherent and cohesive manner to the examiner. You failed to present complete paragraph in most instances of your essay. Therefore, your explanations will not be deemed properly presented in the essay. Always use 3-5 sentences per paragraph. That is the essay standard. There is also a lack of transition sentences in your essay, which means that you do not seamlessly connect your discussion ideas from on aspect to the next. Try to develop your use of transition sentences and connecting words in your next practice test.

Here is a tip for the "specific examples and reasons" section of the essay. Try your best to use your personal experience in explaining your opinion. Essay responses based upon personal opinions tend to score higher because the way you explain yourself indicates the level of English comprehension skills that you have. A proper explanation in relation to the topic means you are ready for higher level English academic learning.


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