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Some children are born with certain talents, however others claim that skills can be taught

winata7 3 / 6  
Jan 12, 2018   #1
It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

truly gifted children?

It is commonly thought that there are two types of children in this world. A gifted children which is born with special ability as well as a talented children which is born to be learner if they eager to master particular talents such as sport and music. Both of them have their own strength which will be addressed in this essay.

On the one hand, some people said that gifted children are the luckiest one. Naturally, it is happened due to particular ability adhere to them since they were born. Their development are often beyond their parents expectation. It might not surprise us, for instance, children who emerge in television with splendid talent in music playing arduous technique even they are still in pre-school age. Moreover, they obtain it spontaneously which is literally given by god to them, as a result they will conquer some talents without any frequently exercise.

On the other hand, though, opponents of gifted children highlight the possibility of other children to have certain talents compared to gifted children. Firstly, children can be taught for mastery particular talent that they interested in, such as music and sport. Many research provide information regarding many children which are taught seriously will be expert in specific talent in the future. For instance, many famous musician and athlete have passed their long training times to master in music or sport. Secondly, birth ratio of gifted children are lower than talented children which means many children are talented person, as a result they were born to be a lifelong learner.

In conclusion, I believe every children are born to be raising star but the way they attain it is completely different. It might be achieved by teaching them and giving continuous exercise, while others reach that due to their inborn talent. However, the deceive factors are still depended on their hard working.

307 words

Holt [Contributor] - / 6,899 1718  
Jan 12, 2018   #2
Fitri, with regards to the opening statement, this is used to judge your ability to restate the given prompt. The reviewer is looking for your degree of English understanding skills at this point which is why the first paragraph is called the paraphrase paragraph. You actually addressed the topic paraphrase very well. However, you mistook "gifted" and "talented" as two words with different meanings. They are not. A synonym of "gifted" is "talented" and vice versa. So you do not really differentiate between inborn and developed talents, which is what the reasoning sentence implies. In the discussion instruction, you made another mistake because you did not accurately paraphrase the directions for essay writing. Let me show you the original, your version, and the correct instruction paraphrase below:

Original Instruction: Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your Instruction: Both of them have their own strength which will be addressed in this essay.
Correct Paraphrase: This essay will present discussions regarding both points of view along with my personal insight.

Another error of your essay is a very common mistake that most review beginners make. There is a tendency for you to discuss your personal opinion as the closing statement. Since the last paragraph is known as a concluding summary, it must do exactly that. Summarize the prompt for discussion in a different manner than the first, present a shortened list of discussion points, rephrase your personal opinion, then offer a closing sentence to appropriately end the essay. When you discuss your personal opinion in the concluding paragraph, you end up with an open ended essay, which means major points deductions in terms of TA considerations.

You should be presenting a 5 paragraph essay here because the outline requires that. Only the Task 1 essay can pass for full scoring consideration with only 4 paragraphs. If you do not present a complete 3 body paragraph, you will not be able to strongly discuss this essay. The paragraphs should be discussed as follows:

Par. 1 - Paraphrasing
Par. 2 - First point of view discussion (the side you do not support)
Par. 3 - Second point of view (the side you support)
Par. 4 - Your point of view that integrates support of the previous paragraph (the side you support)
Par. 5 - Concluding summary

You must avoid quoting research, clubs, and groups because you will not have the ability to research during the actual test. The examiner does consider giving a higher score for personal knowledge and experiences. That is why I tell my students to rely on their personal background, friendships, and family or community relationships when using supporting evidence for their discussions. If the student truly does not have any of the aforementioned facts to share in the essay, then, I tell them, use popular knowledge or publicly known information. That way you don't need to worry about having to quote the source in the essay. Common sense in the discussion scores more than anything else you can present in terms of professionally cited information. The examiner considers the writer familiar with the topic when personal information and insight are included in the essay discussion presented. Which is why they tend to score the essay in a higher manner when considering the TA and C&C section of the essay.
KhushbooVohra 8 / 18 3  
Jan 14, 2018   #3
Many research provides information...

Secondly, birth ratio ... is lower than ... children are talented person, as a result,they ...
... given by God to them, as a result, they ... any frequently exercise.
Jimmy879873 26 / 63 13  
Jan 14, 2018   #4
Fitri, there are some grammatical errors I found in your essay:

... the luckiest ones

... due to the particular ability ...

Their developments

frequently exercise.

Many research provides information

... famous musicians and athletes have passed ...

This sentence though, It sounds odd to me that you cannot master a music nor sport but skills.

Secondly, birth ratio ... is lower than ... are talented persons

as a result they ... Missing comma result,

In conclusion, I believe every children are born to be raised star but the way they attain is completely different.

It might be achieved by teaching them and giving ...

Who? who is them?

Also, I would like to give you a reference for the summary paragraph.

In conclusion, talented children are natively smart in practical as the example of intellectual children that on live televisions. These children do not need to immerse themselves much in training as the average ones do. However, a child who is hard working with determined dedication could also achieve the similar outcomes.
OP winata7 3 / 6  
Jan 17, 2018   #5
Hi guys, thanks a lot for your suggestion :), l'II try my best in order to improve my writing skill :)

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