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IELTS Task -2: CHILDREN DOING PAID JOB. SHARE YOUR OPINION.


sabakhai 5 / 11  
Feb 5, 2014   #1
IN MANY COUNTRIES CHILDREN ARE ENGAGED IN SOME KIND OF PAID WORK. SOME PEOPLE REGARD THIS AS COMPLETELY WRONG, WHILE OTHERS CONSIDER IT AS VALUABLE WORK EXPERIENCE, IMPORTANT FOR LEARNING AND TAKING RESPONSIBILITY. WHAT ARE YOUR OPINIONS ON THIS?

Part time job is becoming a new trend among the children in many countries. They work to get more pocket money, to help their parents to earn more money, for learning or any other reason. Some people int he society do not agree with this trend while here is a school of thought which thinks otherwise.

People who supports the idea of children doing the paid job argue that such jobs give children a valuable work experience. Also, they understand the value of money and start taking the responsibilities. Furthermore, such jobs stop kids from being couch potatoes and instead make them active. In some circumstances where parents are not earning enough, such paid job can be a great relief. Apart from money, these jobs are a way to develop the interest in various hobbies. For instance, if a boy likes to play cricket and he is working at a sports shop. In such case, he can learn a lot about cricket from customers and other people.

On the other hand, there is a group of people which does no believe in part time jobs. They argue that most of the children get cheap jobs like food delivery or waiter. They do not learn anything from such responsibilities. Instead they are man handled by shop owners. In addition, customers do not behave properly and they abuse the children. It can impact child's mind in a negative way.

In conclusion, paid job at early age has its pros and cons. In my opinion, it is good to do paid job but there has to be some restrictions. Children should be allowed to do only certain types of job and each job should have age criteria.

eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,195 459  
Feb 5, 2014   #2
Part time job is becoming a new trend among the children in many countries. TheySome children work to get more pocket money, to help their parents to earn more money, for learning or any other reason ...

People who supports the idea of children doing the paid job argue that such jobs give children a valuable work experience. Also, they understand the value of money and start taking the responsibilities.

THEY here show an ambiguous phrase. Which one do you want to replace: people or children?

People who supportsI agree with the idea of children doing the paid job... .

It is not the opinion of people, but your idea. To support this, take a closer look at the task :

WHAT ARE YOUR OPINIONS ON THIS?

Furthermore, such jobs stop kids from being couch potatoes and instead make them active. In some circumstances where parents are not earning enough, such paid job can be a great relief.

These sentences did not support your topic sentence. You'd better omit

a group of people which does who do

Which for Things and Who for People
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Feb 5, 2014   #3
They work to get more pocket money, to help their parents to earn more money, for learning or any other reason.

They work in view of earning some pocket money to ease their parent's financial burdens on their studies.

Some people int he society do not agree with this trend while here is a school of thought which thinks otherwise.

This is not very clear. It has several typos there which distort your presentation :( Anyway, pay more attention to the introduction structure.


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