I am pleased to read your writing because you have shown positive progress. You have written your essay systematically. In this moment, let me help you to finalize your essay. I only focus on your contents. Please, meet my notes and deal with them.
a foreign language needs to be taught at the school since earliest grade
IT IS BETTER ON CONDITION THAT A FOREIGN LANGUAGE IS TAUGHT AT THE SCHOOL SINCE EARLIEST GRADE.(You are supposed to reread your sentence to make you sure whether it is convenient to be read or not.)
I firmly agree with this view that children can be introduced to foreign language from their first yearActually, you have written the thesis statement because it has clearly seemed where your position is. However, you should give one or two words to display why you agree if readers know general description what you will review
According to the statement above,
English needs to be ...
A fact that children's brain can easily ...For instance, almost throughout the developed (...), sing a song during studying process.(Actually, it is essential to be added because you have given the scientific fact.)In addition, nowadays every technology [...] needs such as for education or even playing a game(I think you are better to find another reason because that is less strong)
... language is a necessary VERY PRIMARY for this decade
. a teacher does (...) only on it
as children need social ...(In fact, this paragraph is out of the topic because you explained why the teacher does not only focus on teaching the language. Turning to the prompt, you are asked to explain why you disagree if the foreign language is taught in the first formalk education. Please, pay attention to the prompts of the statement)
, I completely believe that ...
... for this develop the world, social education needs to be juxtaposed with language education.(This is out of the topic)
.To finalize your the conclusion paragraph, you are supposed to include suggestions from a varied of elements to tackle this matter.OVERALL, IT IS A GOOD JOB