WT 2 - Should children have more or less responsibility?

Kids engagement in some important tasks

Some children in this world have less responsibility than children in the past. In my opinion, I take this as a positive changes. The reason is because children are too young to suffer any responsibility instead of playing and learning.

Many people think that the best age to learn is when we are young. It is like writing in a blank paper. Likewise learning to carry a burden such as responsibility towards family. As a member of a family, children should learn to take care each other since early age. Most people nowadays who still got each other backs are usually the family who have been taught to do so since they were a kids. It is because they are used to it.

However, bring too much burden for children is not an ideal way for their development. As we know that young ages are the best range of time to learn, children should spend most of their time playing and learning, instead of taking too much responsibility which should belong to their parents, such as feeding their younger siblings everyday. Playing with each other or with their friends outside can improve their social and moral skills. Learning from books or experiences can improve their ideas and train them to think critically and creatively. Both of these skills are required for the next stage of their lives. That is why being free while learning and playing is important to children instead of having their parents responsibility on the other shoulder.

To conclude, I strongly believe that it is a positive changes when children nowadays have less responsibility than they were in the past. Giving them space to learn and to grow is one of the best way to prepare them into their future.

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Besse, this draft is a good one based on the fact that you have shown a perfect understanding of the requirements of the prompt. Your current draft also have a great deal of cohesion as the examiner can grasp your thoughts without much stress. My only worry is in your inability to do a good paraphrase of the prompt. It is usually a good practice to employ synonyms where necessary so that you would not repeat the statements in the prompt you are trying to paraphrase. Consider my suggestion on what a good paraphrase should look like:

'In certain places around the globe, kids are known to have less obligations unlike their counterparts in ancient times. While a school of thought view this as a laudable improvement, others think otherwise. However, in my opinion, I think it is an adjustment that should be embraced by the entire world because taking responsibility at an early stage in life would affect children's social and moral qualities at adult stages.'

This is a humble suggestion. Notice that if were a student, my paragraph 2 and 3( as the case may be) would discuss in details taking responsibility at early stage would deteriorate the social and moral values of a child. After that, I would conclude my essay. Altogether, your current draft is good improvement on your previous practices and would earn you a score of at least 5. Ensure to proofread your essays after drafting to avoid typos and misplacement of punctuation.

Besse, Once analyzing your introduction it seems that your are failed to meet the the task achievement, You need to know that discussion essay consists of three tasks, which should be met. They are VIEW ONE saying the trend as the positive change, VIEW TWO arguing the trend is negative one and YOUR OWN OPINION. Because those components were not seen in your introduction paragraph, your essay is more similar with the AGREE AND DISAGREE essay, that are answered in DISCUSSION format. I strongly suggest you to analyze the difference between them, so that you will not be trapped at the same mistakes.

Hope this will be worthwhile to improve your understanding of IELTS writing skills.
Writing Lovers,
:D