In some countries it is thought advisable that children begin formal education at four years old, while in others they do not have to start school until they are seven or eight.
How far do you agree with either of these views?
The appropriate period to start learning for children leads an international controversy. Some argue that children should enter the formal education when they are four years old, while others require a higher standards of students' age, between seven or eight. Having an early chance to stimulate brain is essential to improve students' capacity but there are several attitudes of 4-years old children which create ineffective outcome such as their mood and awareness. In contrast, children aged 7 have a better capability to receive various new knowledge. However, I agree that providing a place for children aged 4 to improve their skills is needed, although it is not a part of formal education.
At the present time, most developed countries allow their young generation to gain much knowledge as soon as possible. Playgroups are offered to exercise student's brain frequently in childhood period. Also, they are persuaded to have a high responsibility. However, 4-years old students tend to have unpredictable mood and lack of responsibility, so achieving a great result in learning process is difficult. Nevertheless, offering formal education for students aged 4 is not relevant to their characteristics.
On the other hand, some developing countries apply a different rule in their education system. Children aged below 7 cannot enter schools since the best period to study in formal school is 7. Although students have enough cognitive skills, they are lack of psychomotor skills since the subjects in elementary school focus on academic skills. Physical development is crucial, so offering a place to learn this subject is needed. Although it does not include in the formal education, I believe that it is very beneficial as an option for children who need more exercises in their childhood.
All in all, learning process is better to be given for 4-years old children to improve their psychomotor skills but the readiness of students is very important to consider since it has a large influence in learning result. Therefore, it would be better if it is just a choice, not an obligation.
You are pretty good in explaining the task.
I just advise you to consider to provide scientific fact on all your justification in order that your argument has a strong base.
... while others require
a higher standards of students' age...
... which create ineffective outcomeS such as their mood and awareness. ..
... so achieving a great result in THE learning process is difficult.
... education for students aged 4 is not relevant to their characteristics. (THIS NOTION NEED MORE DETAILED JUSTIFICATION)
... Although students have enough cognitive skills, they STILL
are lack of psychomotor skills since ...
All in all, THE learning process is better to ...
You did a great job!
You could make this job better by adding scientific facts or any sources.
Here, I just give some :
1) You can choose different word for "4-years old students", or using a refer word to this one.
2) Since you must finish this task in roughly 40 min, it is necessary to decrease your sentence, just make it more effective.
3) I think your passage will gain a better information, if the idea in Body 1 and 2 being replaced.