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How should children be taught?

Kelly219 2 / 4 1  
Apr 16, 2014   #1
People have many arguments about how the children should be taught. While some people believe that parents should take responsibilities of teaching their children, some others argue that this responsibility belongs to the school. In my opinion, co-operation between parents and school would give much benefit to children.

On the one hand, parents are people who understand clearly and have the most influence on their children. Besides, each child has his own personality, habits and penchants, so each child needs nurturing with different methods. Because of the responsibilities of parenthood, parents would care for their children, look at their emotion, their dreams, as well as, help them face with difficulties in their life. In fact, the children grown up in happy families tend to be more successful than the children in emotionally unstable homes.

On the other hand, it can be denied that the effects of School on children are profound. Firstly, children take around 7 hours per day to study in school in 12 perpetual years and this is a place where children study and socialize. Secondly, good education and friendly studying environment can also help children achieve success in their future, regardless of their socio-economic background. Therefore, education system all over the world should be improved to develop children's potentials.

In conclusion, it seems to me that children have to be brought up in the best environment because they deserve the best things we have. And the relationship between parents and school is a key to shape children's future.

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Apr 16, 2014   #2
I have a few admin requests - First, have a meaningful title for your essay in the subject field when you open a new thread. (this title has been attended by us) Also it is good if you mention the purpose, e.g. IELTS, TOEFL etc. in the title itself so that we can provide you with more task related feedbacks. Further this thread should have been opened in the WRITING FEEDBACK forum which is the most appropriate forum for this task. This has been moved from Grammar Usage to Writing Feedback.

Again, include your full prompt with the essay for others to have a better understanding about what it requires from you and align their feedbacks accordingly.
OP Kelly219 2 / 4 1  
Apr 16, 2014   #3
Thank you! I will correct it
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Apr 17, 2014   #4
That's ok, this is your first thread and follow those instruction in future threads. :)

In my opinion, co-operation between parents and school would give much benefit to children.

In my view, both parents and school need to play equally important roles in teaching their children to be responsible citizens in society.
On the one hand, parents are the people who can understand clearlytheir children better due to their emotional binding they have with their children and have the most influence on their children.Due to this reason, the parents to have a more powerful influence on their children.
Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
Apr 17, 2014   #5
You better give more specific examples to support your reasoning.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,198 464  
Apr 20, 2014   #6
Follow this approach that dumi suggests others to follow for this task

Yes, good advice by Pahan
With this structure, you are easy to develop your paragraph properly. This is good for coherence and cohesion between the sentence-to-paragraph-to-essay construction, and for which in the five-paragraph structure this is weak.



When you write firstly, secondly, lastly to mention supporting points , I am afraid that you are overusing the linking devices. I think the better way is to avoid using lots of the connective words. If you think that you need to earn coherence and cohesion, pay particular attention to demonstrate cohesion.

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