Children are often told that they can conquer everything as long as they do their best

IELTS WRITING TASK 2:

According to some research, encouragement is really important for children's development. For that reason, many adults usually cheer their children up by telling them that they can conquer everything as long as they do their best. Personally, this viewpoint has both positive and negative aspects and in this following essay, I will discuss them clearly.

On the one hand, the most significant benefit of this message is that it can train children to be a hard-working person because studiousness is the fundamental factor of every achievement. Once the targets are defined, children will put all their effort, time, patience, etc into their works until they are successful instead of giving up in frustration. Another advantage is that it can educate children how to believe in themselves and be optimistic in all hard situations and then come up with solutions. Take Edison as an example, he had failed more than 10000 times to find a suitable material for his incandescent bulbs and he did not stop working until he found the ideal one. Finally, this teaching method brings hope. It is an inspiration for children who got disadvantaged backgrounds that without financial support or educational privilege, their passions are still achievable.

On the other hand, this message also has some pessimistic drawbacks. First of all, it can be the source of pressure and mental illness for children. If children take hard-work as the guarantee for their victories, it can push them too hard to reach their goals which may lead to some undesirable consequences such as suicide. What's more, unlimited compliments can create unrealistic goals in children. There are many people who are given great talents that others don't have. For instance, Celine Dion is one of the most famous and talented divas in the world therefore it cannot be denied that a person who has no talent for singing will never reach Celine's level even if that person spends all his/her life practicing.

In conclusion, this teaching method is always a good way to motivate children and it should not be underestimated. However, parents ought not to give their kids this kind of compliments in some situations where hard-work is not the essential condition.

Where exactly did this reference come from? There is no supporting evidence to show that this was prsented in the original topic. Why was this added to the restatement then? A restatement is defined as a verb that allows one to state ( a topic) again or in a new way. The new way does not mean adding information to the original. Information addition is not allowed because it changes the original statement in a negative manner. In this case, an unsupported reference was made, which changed the source material of the statement from a public opinion to a researched point of view. The latter being an incorrect reference pont. That said, the reference to the thesis statement is good, but requires topic discussion points to create the discussion paragraph outline / accurate thesis statement.