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Writing Task 2 Children's Unhealth Lifestyle and Parents/Schools responsibility


badafebriani17 34 / 44 1  
Oct 25, 2016   #1
Nowadays, many children under five year old are experience lifestyle which is not appropriate for their health such as consume unhealthy food. There are some people that say kindergarten and parents have responsibilities for what that happen with their children.

I totally agree that parents and schools have responsibilities to solve their problem. For example, when they consume unhealthy meals in their schools. It is necessary to be aware because almost whole time in a day they spend in their schools and houses. In this case, actually parents and teachers are role mode for their children with they have a job to improve the capability of kids. For example, the parents can learn how to sort quality foods, such as fish, vegetables and fruits. And also teachers can give some advise or information to improve their knowledge about the foot that contain with high nutrition.

On the other hand, there are many parents and teachers that have not given what is should be children accepted by both. Because their parents have busy activities and less time to choosing their meals, so they kids just accept the food that prepared by their assistance.

Besides, in the school children have not lesson about what the healthy food and what kinds. Because there is no person can give they the information about healthy food. So, i think the both have responsibility and to solve this problem, but there are other sectors that have responsibility in increase health behavior of children, such as the government especially The Ministry of Health. The governments have a responsibility to promote health lifestyle of children. They can give some speech to the children about the healthy food and the benefits. So children can know and change their habit to eat health meal. Besides, the governments can give a training for teachers and parents about healthy behavior especially for children. Because if they don't consent about it may children will decrease their health quality.

In conclusion, the parents and teachers have important position and responsibility to solve their children's habit especially in consume unhealthy food. But also they need other sector such as health promoter that can improve their knowledge about basic of health in lifestyle and behavior that can increase their health of degree.

faizunaa17 49 / 91  
Oct 25, 2016   #2
Nowadays, many children under five yearyears old are experiencehave many experience lifestyle which is not ...

five years ---> plural

are experience lifestyle ---> are + noun .---> adalah pengalaman hidup . ---> WRONG
have many experience lifestyle ---> memiliki banyak pengalaman gaya hidup ---> CORRECT

There are some people that say that kindergartenand parents have ...

Well, i think if school paraphrase into kindergarten, is too specific because schools have a lot of meaning. It's better you don't paraphrase it, because if we talk about children it's not refer to kindergarten student

I totally agree that parents and schools have responsibilities to ...
For example, when they consume unhealthy ...

Is word "they" refer to "parents and schools"? Be careful with pronoun using !

... parents and teachers are the role modemodel for their children with theytheirhave a job to improve the capability of kids.

what is the relationship between improving capability (mengembangkan kemampuan) and health ?

And also Teachers also can give some advise or ...

It's recommended to not put "and" in the beginning of sentence because it is informal.

... parents and teachers that have not given what is should be children accepted by both

what's the meaning of that ? I can't translate it and confused about it. "banyak orang tua dan guru yang tidak diberikan apa yang harus murid disetujui oleh mereka ???

maybe like that : there are many parents and teachers that do not know what should they do to make sure their children for accepting their advice.

*banyak orang tua dan guru yang tidak tahu apa yang harus mereka lakukan untuk membuat yakin anak-anak untuk menerima nasihat mereka.*

... and less time to choosingchoose their meals, so theytheir kids just accept the food ...

to infinitive form ---> to + choose (must Verb 1)

Well i didn't finish to correct the last two paragraph, so you can ask another friends. Or maybe people who give the comment please correct the last two paragraph.

Good Luck Ba'da. You should study about grammar well.
Wilyaftika23 46 / 37 1  
Oct 25, 2016   #3
1. be careful with spelling
the food that contain with high nutrition
2. be careful with grammatical sentence:(subject+verb+agreement)
... that have not given what children should accept by both
3. avoid repetition word
--------> unhealthy : you can change with unhygienic
4. consistent with you word or you must explain before you use the word
------> schools > teachers (you didn't tell who teacher before you use in the next sentence
5. be careful TO(Infinitive)
less time to choose their meals


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