IELTS: Classmates Vs Parents - Influence on child's future

PART 2: Q: Do you agree with the following statement? Classmates are more important influence than parents on child's future..?

ANS:
In today's world due advance technology and emerging concept of "Quantum Physics" did uncovered many mysteries, which also includes the effects of human energy field. Which has direct effects on our brain and body? Therefore it is debatable to find out influential factors on child future. The writer will discuss different way in which influence Childs future.

According to Quantum Physicists ever thing is made of atom which has energy filed. Combination of these fields forms energy field around humans. This field can be negative or positive which depends on the feelings and intentions of the person. This does affect our children in either way. If the environment is negative, he will be effected negatively and same in other case. "A man is known by the company he keeps" reflects both kind of influence in our society. Therefore it is important to know the foundation acceptability or power of resistance in society for both influences.

Parents are first to set the foundation and path for the child future. First of all it is responsibility of the parents to teach their children the basic manners acceptable in the society. They teach them about the power to say "No" and "Yes". The basics acceptable manner in the society makes children ready to face the situation in schools. Child will be able to choose well from bad, and this will lead to a good future. A human brain produces over 30 thousand thoughts in a day. So it can be good or bad. Important thing is to prepare a child for this challenge to accept those, which are recommended by parents.

Similarly, Child without good foundation is highly vulnerable to embrace habits which will mislead them. This can direct to confusion and put them in a non returnable situation. Good classmates can help a child grown in unhealthy family environment by putting him/her on right path for a good future. However there are many successful people who do not went to school but still they are successful.

From the above discussion it is clear classmates and parents mutually responsible to set child future which is also proved by quantum physics that every human has negative and positive energy field which reflects his/her intention and feelings.

In a nutshell, my opinion is that parents are most important to set the good foundation for child future, how ever we cannot ignore the influence of the classmates in this case.

For this IELTS task, you score marks mostly on your essay struture, sentence organization, vocabulary and presentation. It is good to show your vocabulary knowledge but everything you say needs to be relevant to your prompt. Let's have a look at the opening sentences;


These lines seem out of topic. Your prompt simply asks whether peers are more important than parents on child's future. So you need to introduce this topic to the reader first. Do not write sentences that are loosely connected with your topic. Also this task has a major bearing on time and keeping your writing within the scope is very healthy.

Read essays written on similar topics here to get a good knack about this essay structure.

==>I think there are also some errors in your essay. Perhaps they are caused by typo.
Jut reminder;)

I'm not sure that this is necessary. It would have been a good idea had it been short. But your "quantum physics theory" takes a lot of space and for a moment i was wondering whether I'm reading the correct essay. I think you need to shorten it.


Parents lay the foundation for their child's future.


I'm not sure I follow what you are trying to say here. :/

I think you need to write more about what influences the child. It's obvious that parents influence a child when they are young. As they get older they are more attached to their peers. Why is this?? Write more on that fact.

Thanks all for correction. Appreciated