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Without a clear goal to focus our energy and drive us to grow, we cease to be truly alive.


mursel 6 / 12  
Dec 10, 2011   #1
I am preparing for SAT .And actually i don't know exactly structure please if you know write and correct my essay.I scanned essay task and my first draft .please check

ESSAY TASK
Without a clear goal to focus our energy and drive us to grow, we cease to be truly alive.
We are inert particles floating on the sea of life. This is true of not only ourselves, but our
institutions-our families, our corporations, and our societies. The moment we cease to
grow, we begin to die.
Assignment: Is growth necessary to a happy and productive life? Write an essay in which you
answer this question and discuss your point of view on this issue. You may discuss personal
or institutional growth. Support your position logically with examples from literature,
the arts, history, politics, science and technology, current events, or your experience
or observation.
if you cant read or see my essay please click link below.
mediafire.com/?gvqaqr1h45a6hg3


  • Essay Task

  • My first Draft

purple_216 - / 2  
Dec 11, 2011   #2
The first thing i see wrong with this paper is it's only one paragraph long and a essay is 5 or more paragraphs. Second, you began to anounce you essay by saying "I agee that growth is important....". plus you are missing you thesis statment and your this statment can be something in this nature, since you agree with what their asking you to write " In order to have a happy and productive life growing healthy is required." , then you can start breaking into another paragraph after you finish your Into paragraph. Here are some examples you may use, for your second paragraph you may talk about how growing up and staying focused on school and finishing can help you grow healthier because you will be able to higher your educaution and by doing that you will be wealthier which makes you happy and live a productive life.(but dont forget to explain what your saying and stay on track). you are using to many different pronouns, if your going to start with you stick to it dont change to us, our or we. Make sure you make a topic sentence for ever parapragh.


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