It would be great if I could get some feedback on this essay in the context of the old SAT test. I really want to improve on creating relevance to my thesis within my body paragraphs, and linking support back to my main idea. I also want to know how to make my conclusion and intro stronger, and possibly what score range this essay would be in (1-12). Thank you!
Prompt: Do closed doors make us creative?
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The quality that often distinguishes extraordinary people from ordinary people is creativity. While many confront challenges in everyday life that require truly innovative thinking to get past, the vast majority of us go through every day in a routine, insipid manner. It is no surprise that this type of lifestyle is not conducive towards creative thinking; in order to push our minds towards true creativity, we must face obstacles that prevent conventional thinking.
The poster child of creativity is the artist. One of the most famous artists of the contemporary era is Frida Kahlo, a female Hispanic painter. Known for her emotional portraits, Kahlo achieved great heights in the industry of fine arts. Yet behind each painting lies a tragic story from her catastrophic personal life. Polio, a severely debilitating bus accident, and a troubled marriage were only a few obstacles Kahlo had to face in her lifetime. However, these obstacles inspired an emotional creativity in her art that separated her from other artists of the time. Through challenge and hardship, Kahlo was able to build her effusive style.
Science is a crib for creative thinking as well. In particular, inventors, who create unique solutions to ordinary problems, exemplify the creative process. For example, Thomas Edison, father of the light bulb, was plagued by failure throughout his journey to the Edison bulb. Even after he completed his first model, the design was still flawed. However, each fault model forced Edison to think differently about how he was approaching his problem, and as a result, a successful light bulb prototype was eventually born. Had Edison not experienced the hardships he did, he would have never explored the designs that led to his final product.
Although creativity can theoretically evolve under any circumstances, obstacles are especially effective at kindling the creative flame. By meeting face to face with closed doors and brick walls in our paths to our goals, we are forced to exercise our creative sides in an effort to get eliminate these challenges. Just as how Frida Kahlo and Thomas Edison overcame their personal and scientific troubles through creativity, the common person is compelled to unique thinking when faced with his or her own struggles.
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I would like to help you with your thesis and some feedback. In your introductory paragraph, you could add "life" after everyday. Change towards to "to". You should delete your semicolon after thinking, and form a new sentence when you discuss how we should push our minds. Then the reader can identify your thesis.
Your first example has two slight errors. First, you should place a comma after "Yet". Also, effusive is the wrong word choice. If you are unsure, just keep your explanation simple and change the word to "creative". Also, this example and explanation is superb!
The second example, you use the term "crib". You could replace this with "the foundation". Another word that could explain it better would be the term "inspires". You could state: "Science inspires creative thinking as well." I think you should state "journey to invent the Edison bulb."
The last paragraph, delete "get " before eliminate. You could delete Just as how and replace it with "Since" and state "the common person should be". Another suggestion would be to end your paragraph with: "...creativity, it is possible that anyone can demonstrate unique thinking when faced with his or her own struggles."
This was a really good essay!
