IELTS ;Clothes are a necessary part of people's lives

I know the pros are here. =)
And I'm writing to seek help from you guys to please have a look on the sample writing I did yesterday. I am working here in Malaysia and didn't have a chance to enroll at Niners for review. I paid for a writing review though, but the former examiner hasn't gotten back to me yet. So it would be great if i can get inputs from you guys.

I need your honest feedback. Please help me improve my writing. My exam will be on Saturday (September 7), so if you could please please comment on what I did, I would appreciate it very much.

Thanks guys!

Cheers,
Katie

WRITING TASK 2

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Clothes are a necessary part of people's lives.

What do you think clothes communicate about an individual?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Clothing is a basic human need. For most people, clothing gives us protection from the weather. It gives the feeling of warmth and brings comfort to the body. While for me, clothing defines my fashion sense and creativity.

I know people who are really not particular to the clothes they wear. Most of them don't even care about the color or if it is in style. What is important to them is something that could make them feel comfortable. For example it is winter, they will wear anything that could protect them from the cold. It doesn't matter if they will look good in it, or if they will look skinnier in it, but as long as it gives them warmth, that's what matters!

From my point of view, clothing is a very important aspect of my life as I use it as a way to express my personality. It is something I give a thought to weekly. Since my college days, I plan out the clothes I will wear every week. I never repeat my outfit for a month. It is a mortal sin for me to go outside with my shoes not complementing my dress. I'd rather not go and meet my friends if I'm not happy with what I wear. I make sure that the color of my dress, ensembles, nail polish, and hair go all together. It doesn't mean I have to spend a lot to buy new clothes every time, just to come up with my outfit for the day. Being creative; mixing and matching what I already have; and being able to come up with a new look after that is a big satisfaction for me.

Clothing might just be a necessity for some, however, in my opinion; it is a way to express one's creativity and fashion sense.

Hi
as far as my knowledge, you made a statement that-- 'For most people, clothing gives us protection from the weather. It gives the feeling of warmth and brings comfort to the body. While for me, clothing defines my fashion sense and creativity'. But in the task they asked about your views.You need to give your beliefs but you are contradicting yourself by bringing other peoples' views.

1) protection
2) signify your traditions and its importance
3) shows your personality and attitude
4) clothing enhances the beauty and confidence which improves our performance

I am a learner.
sorry,if it doesn't help you.
good luck.

Hi welcome to the forum...
Here are my feedbacks on your essay


The highlighted sentence is too weak considering it is your hook sentence (first sentence of the intro paragraph). Try to make it look more catchy and complex by joining the whole quote.

Throughout the years, many have regarded clothing as a basic human need because it protects them from weather and brings comfort to their body.


Always address your essay to a third person and not yourself, unless the prompt is asking about yourself. In this case, the prompt only asked your idea about people's preferences.

As for some, clothing defines their sense of creativity and fashion


First sentences should be strong and should talk about the general idea of the whole paragraph.
Most people are more concern on the purpose of their clothes rather than its appearance.

Tips on this type of task:
- introduction contains background on clothing and thesis of your essay,
- discuss about two main topics:
why clothing is necessary for people, explain and examples
how clothing can influence an individual's image, explain and examples
- try not to use "I" and "my" when talking about the topic, use these words instead, people, person, they, them, individual,

hope this helps...

gmad06 and septem1821: very helpful comments! Thank you so much guys!

....people refers to them...
For most of us, clothing provides protection from weather. ..or
For most people, clothing provides protection from weather
The


...keepit more general:;
Some people are not bothered about what cloths they wear.


For example, in winter , such people may not be fancied by fasionable einter cloths, but anything that would keep themwarm.