College Mid-Term Essay about facilities funding

Hi everybody!

I study an university in the Czech Republic and we were given a choice of three questions for our mid-term essay. I've chosen the following one: "Which facilities should receive money from local authorities?", where I put museums and public gardens in comparison. Would you be so kind and help me correct grammatical, stylistic and other mistakes? Required level of English is B2+ or C1. Thank you very much in advance!

A town dilemma: To favour history or fulfill present needs?

Although they offer divergent ways of spending leisure time, both museums and public gardens occupy their important role within the town. Financial contribution for them would be supported by numerous statements, though fair compromise is not always possible due to the lack of funds. In that case we're forced to make a decision: should we stick to historical enlightenment or fulfill needs for piece of nature and place to rest?

Times when the good understanding of the closest living environment was sufficient for majority of our daily needs are irrevocably gone. Nowadays we live in the developed world that is exposed to the so called "information overload". This undoubted fact shouldn't be omitted as a key factor when deciding which public facility to fund primarily.

This phenomenon is also one of the main causes why museums suffer from lack of visitors, especially inhabitants of particular town. People tend to prefer facilities where they're able to calm down, either physically or mentally, and that's not what institutions like museums offer.

On the other hand, public gardens do this task very well. Yet, it is just one of their benefits among others. They also provide escape to the nature within reality of a town or city. And because they are not single purpose, one is able to choose from several activities, including sitting and observing the environment, laying under the sun, reading or having conversation.

Selection of preferred institution is definitely not an easy task. However, if necessary, we should put an emphasis on needs of today's life - and they're represented much better by public gardens, who are very often established as a central place of the particular area.

(Author: T. Raha)

Tad, your whole essay is just a very long introduction. It does not give the reader any information that would explain why these two places deserve to have funding from the local authorities. In fact, you have not even properly discussed the indicated prompt. Was the question you were provided only a guideline? Were you supposed to write a different essay based on a personal prompt instead? That is what you did. You did not respond to the prompt at all with your essay. You responded to a question that you gave yourself in the first paragraph. Look at this:

Mid-Term Prompt: Which facilities should receive money from local authorities?
Your Title: A town dilemma: To favour history or fulfill present needs?
Your Prompt: should we stick to historical enlightenment or fulfill needs for piece of nature and place to rest?

The last 2 prompt references were the ones you created. It obviously does not have any relationship at all to the original prompt provided for your test. This is called a prompt deviation and often results in a failing score within any essay test.

Your total essay only creates an introductory statement. It does not discuss any aspect of the prompt in a proper manner. You should have directed the essay from the very beginning to discuss the original topic. For example:

Local authorities have only a limited amount of money to spend on public facilities every year. Therefore, considerations as to which facilities should receive the funds are often discussed. It is my opinion that the gardens and museums should receive most of the funding. I will explain my reasons for advocating for this idea below.

Then from there, your second paragraph should have been:

Although they offer divergent ways of spending leisure time, both museums and public gardens occupy their important role within the town. Their funding should therefore be a priority for the local government.

Build the reasoning portion of the paragraph from there. Your essay has potential but is not directed to discuss the essay prompt in a more relevant manner. That is where the problem of your essay lies. Due to the problem in the information presentation, it is useless to correct any grammar, style, or sentence structure mistakes. Once the content of the essay is inappropriate, then the whole essay fails to deliver the required elements and will eventually result in a failing score.

Thank you for your willingness to help!
I might explained the assignment vaguely, here's the full one:

Your class has attended a panel discussion on facilities which should receive money from local authorities. You have made the notes below:
Which facilities should receive money from local authorities?
- museums
- sports centres
- public gardens
Some opinions expressed in the discussion:
- "Museums aren't popular with everybody!"
- "Sports centres mean healthier people."
- "A town needs green spaces - parks are great for everybody."
Write an essay discussing TWO of the facilities in your notes. You should explain which facility is more important for local authorities to give money to, giving reasons in support of your answer. You may, if you wish, make use of the opinions expressed in the discussion, but you should use your own words as far as possible.

From my understanding, there's a requirement to select two facilities of three and compare them in terms of funding priority. So, I haven't made changes related to prompt, but I have edited the essay in order to bring more arguments.

A town dilemma: To favour history or fulfill present needs?

Although they offer divergent ways of spending leisure time, both museums and public gardens occupy their important role within the town. Financial contribution for them could be supported by numerous statements, though due to the lack of funds we're forced to make a decision: should we prefer historical enlightenment or fulfill needs for a piece of nature?

Despite the fact they weren't used to be frequent on our territory, at present we're able to find a museum in almost every town. They do a good job in providing visual experience of the history, something that books don't. They also serve as a depository of valuable exhibits. Due to those reasons they would be eligible to receive appropriate funding. But are museums really the highest priority?

Times when the good understanding of the closest environment was sufficient for our daily needs are undoubtedly gone. Nowadays we live in the developed world that is exposed to the so called "information overload". This phenomenon is also one of the causes why museums suffer from lack of visitors. We tend to prefer facilities that allows us to take a break.

On the other hand,... And because they are not single-purpose, one is able to choose from several activities including reading or having a conversation.

Selection of preferred institution is definitely not an easy task. However, if necessary, we should put an emphasis on needs of today's life - and they're represented much better by public gardens, who are very often established as a central place of the particular area.

Thank you for your kind reviewing in advance!

Deadline is 3 days away, I'm starting to get worried a little bit... I'd be really glad for some basic correction, so I know that I'll pass and the effort won't be lost :-) Thank you.