Hello everyone! This is the first time I write in essay forum. I hope you guys can help me.
Nowadays children have to study very hard than before's. Not only at school, but also at the cramming school. I know study is important, but playing is important too. Therefore, if we can combine studying with playing, it will be better for our children.
Actually, children must study a lot of things now. All of the days, they only study. Don't have a lot of time to play. If they always learn like that, there are many bad things come to them. Firstly, it is very bad to get stressed and can have a bad effect on children's health. Secondly, their creative ability will be limited and they can get low-minded. On the contrary, if they both play and study, they can promote all of their ability. For example, when they learn English or something like that I think interesting games should be integrated in. Although they are studying, like playing. One more example, when teaching history, we should tell student some interesting story that's relative with history. Don't focus on theory too much.
In my opinion, today children must learn a lot of things but they are not really better than previous people. To summarize, we should combine studying with playing to teach for children.
I know my post do not have a lot of new words, I wanna learn good vocabulary and the way writings that make my paragraph is better. Thank you very much.
Hi Tam,your essay is good given the fact that its your first time.Just be mindful of the following;
These as the words that I find for correction;
"Firstly", should be "First"
" before's", should be "before"
"cramming school" or you mean "populated school"
"study is important" should be "studying is important"
"all of the days", can be "all day"
"bad things come", should be "bad things happen"
"low - minded" can be "Low IQ (intelligent quotient)
"relative to history" is "related to history"
"that make my paragraph is better" should be "that make my paragraph better"
Write more Tam, this way you practice and you will learn more.
I think it is a good first effort, and thank you for sharing it with us! However I did do some reconstructing if your sentences: you need to pay more attention to sentence structure. Every sentence needs a subject and verb. I think you should explain why lack of play will limit their creativity: perhaps mention crafts and they can enrich your imagination.
I agree that interesting games can be mixed into study of both English and history. When I was in school we reenacted historical plays, in history class, and that really helped me to learn the facts, as the teacher made sure we stuck to the facts!
Do you have any facts to back up the point about children's health being effected by lack of play. Perhaps you could say that this form of exercise, could help reduce childhood obesity!
Keep trying, because practice makes writing better. You did a very good job of conveying the advantages of playing as a balance to studying. I just tried to make your sentences complete, and watch your word choices. Make sure the word you pick is the one that makes the most sense for that idea: use a dictionary and thesaurus, to help you. Also, I added some commas, to allow the reader to breath.