IELTS TASK comment and maybe give me the band for this essay)

The table below shows the proportion of different categories of families living in poverty in Australia in 1999.
The table compares the percentage of six different types of families enduring poverty in Australia during 1999.
In six kinds of households, it is evident that the poverty rates in single people were by far higher. People with children were also more likely to be poor than those without. The number of elderly people who live in poverty had the lowest proportion in all six groups.

Overall, 11% of Australians or about 1,837,000 people were eduring the poverty in 1999. Poverty rates among aged people were considerably low, with the percentages of 6% for single aged people and 4% for aged couple respectively.

While single parent accounted for 21% poverty rates, only 12% of couple with children were classed as poor. The same pattern can be seen from people without children: whereas 19% single people were living in poverty, the figure for couples was much lower, accounted for 7% respectively.

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Dear roxana, I'd be really appreciated with your helpful advices, and I also have some for u, hope that it is useful, too.
I like the way u use adverbs, but I personally suppose it is quite much than necessary, maybe u can use more compound nouns. One thing more is that u should paraphrase topic vocabularies (poverty = poorness = impoverishment)